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You are here: Home / Trent's Thoughts / 30 Days of Kink — Day 22

30 Days of Kink — Day 22

August 28, 2013 By Trent Evans

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

This is going to be a rather short blog post (I heard that relieved applause back there). I don’t think there really is much of a difference in keeping a BDSM vs. vanilla relationship healthy. It’s a relationship, period, and as such it takes communication, compatibility, communication, honesty, and communication:)

To me the only real area that might be markedly different vis-a-vis vanilla vs. kinky is in the area of sexual compatibility. Many kinky people try to maintain a vanilla relationship and find that it’s simply not something that will work.

I am one of those people.

I’ve tried vanilla … and I’m 99% sure I’ll never do it again. For many of us, trying to maintain a vanilla relationship is like living your life holding a part of yourself back, hiding that important, even vital, aspect of your sexuality as if it’s something that’s … optional. With me it’s not optional, at least not anymore! I suppose that realization often comes with time, and life experience, and most of all, perspective.

The bottom line is that it’s being true to who I really am for the first time in my life. Many people live their entire lives without being able to be comfortable with who they are. I managed to do it though, and I highly recommend it:)

Until Day 23.

Trent

 

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, bdsm relationship, BDSM relationships, being at peace, communication, communication compatibility, mysteries of vanilla sexuality, sexual compatibility, time and life, Trent Evans, vanilla relationship

About Trent Evans

Trent Evans is an independent author of BDSM erotic romance and erotica. Putting pen to paper since he was a wee lad, he decided to try to share some of the tales cooked up in his fevered imagination. Some readers might not be horrified. He tries to write stories that appeal to both women and men (wow, threading the needle), but will follow wherever the story takes him.

A long-time resident of the Pacific Northwest, the author believes that the high percentage of authors in the region (compared to the nation as a whole) is chiefly due to the fact that it’s so damned wet and miserable all the time there. They tend to use their long hours cooped up inside making up stories that depict things they’ll never see or experience – such as sunshine.

Comments

  1. Sadey Quinn says

    August 31, 2013 at 7:55 am

    I think this is one area where it’s a little easier for submissive women…

    If I’m dating a guy and tell him I like being held down while he fucks me, or I enjoy spankings, most likely he’ll be game, even if he’s “vanilla”.

    It’s a little harder for a dominant guy to work with a vanilla girl, I imagine.

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