First of all, I want to thank the lovely ladies over at Spanking Romance Reviews for letting a dude get a seat at the table for this one. I hope I don’t make you regret it:)
This week’s topic is Submission and what it means to me.
First, it’s best to define for myself what submission means. I’ve never actually thought about what this means to me, so this will be a learning experience for me too!
Submission, at its core, is the voluntary relinquishing of control over one’s body, mind or spirit — or all of the above. At first blush I suppose that looks rather … scary. But when you think about it some more it ceases to be scary and instead becomes something very powerful, even beautiful. The reason for this is because it’s voluntary — it’s consensual. It’s something done to enhance the sexual pleasure of both the dominant and the submissive.
I — obviously — come at this subject from a Dominant male’s perspective so in some ways I’m a little like the kid pressing his nose up against the window, fogging up the glass, trying to get a glimpse inside the room where all the cool kids hang out. But, since dominance and submission are two sides of the same coin, I think I can speak (relatively) intelligently on the subject;) I hope so anyway.
D/s is essentially a dynamic of power and the unequal exchange thereof, and to me submission is the cornerstone of the endeavor. The submission itself is that exchange of the submissive’s power over self, given to the Dominant to do with what he wills. Just that aspect of it alone is mind-blowing — having that very real, yet equally symbolic, control over another human being. Of course, like so much in life there is a duality to this: the very same exhilaration from the Dominant’s perspective can of course be a dangerous thing, in the hands of an irresponsible, immoral, or just plain stupid Dominant. So, in a sense, this awareness of the danger, of how easily that power can be abused, is part of the excitement of the D/s dynamic.
The ability of a woman to submit is a fundamentally brave act. To be blunt — I don’t know how the hell you subs do it! I’m just really glad that you do:) This is one of the many reasons why I admire submissives. They are courageous. To voluntarily make yourself subject to another is just … it’s stunning to me. I know it’s a cliche to say this, but that submission is a gift. It’s a statement saying: “I trust you not to abuse this power I’ve given you. I adore you, I care for you, I love you enough, to give you this, to make myself vulnerable to you.”
How different is this, really — when you strip everything away — from what a vanilla relationship is? At some point someone has to make themselves vulnerable, to open themselves to potentially being hurt, wronged, even betrayed. Yet, the urge to connect, to be intimate, gives us the courage to take that leap — because the rewards of intimacy can be so sweet, so profound. It’s worth the risk.
One of the things that appeals most to me about submission is the inherent vulnerability in it. I think it’s almost a proxy for the vulnerability often seen in femininity, that same vulnerability that speaks to a good man. The Dominant man feeds off that vulnerability; it fuels both his sexual excitement AND his urge to protect her. In the honest Dom (and in my case, a Dom with a sadistic streak) that vulnerability can fuel his need to exercise, to emphasize, his power over his submissive. Exerting your power over her is itself exciting, in its own way as exciting as the sexual acts themselves, because it involves that most important of sexual organs — the brain. Broken down even further, it’s almost as if the vulnerability of the submissive fires that primal, animalistic urge that exists deep down in the inherited DNA of humans, back to that duality of men, who eternally struggle with the urges both to conquer and protect.
I’ll circle back now, before I blather on any further. I can see everyone’s eyes are glazed over:/
Submission is trust. Trust is the foundation of the D/s dynamic and relationship. Just as pleasure cannot exist without pain, Dominance cannot be exercised (or enjoyed) without submission. Just as women make the world go round, submissives provide the essential, indispensable ingredient which makes D/s possible. Without it the world would be a gray, lonely place for men like me;)
Thank you for reading, and I hope you take the time to read the other posts in this week’s round table discussion. You can read the other posts here: http://spankingromance.com/?p=
Until next time,