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Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
This one took some thinking for me. I had a tough time thinking of any outright funny things related to BDSM/kink. Embarrassing, erm, yeah. Maybe I will relate that on another day:)
I was reminded of a news story I came across on the Interwebz roundabout Valentine’s Day of this year. A couple had been arrested after the woman was found naked, bound and gagged in the back seat of her car.
It turns out this was a bit of role-playing gone “wrong”. I’d link to the story, but these people have probably been through the ringer enough as it is. If you’re curious, Google is your friend:)
I remember reading this story to a good friend of mine (who happens to be female). I told her that I had two initial thoughts upon reading the story:
1. That dude’s Man Card is now ironclad; nothing can ever touch it. It’s encased in Awesome-ite.
2. That is what you call a good man taking care of his woman’s needs.
(My friend agreed, but she blushed beet red.)
I also told my friend that it was a virtual guarantee that the cops were high-fiving the guy even as they were booking him into jail. I sincerely hope the disorderly conduct charges were later dropped, but I never heard.
While this was undoubtedly mortifying for the couple, maybe someday they will look back on this and laugh. Yeah…maybe not.
Until Day 13
Day 3: How did you discover you’re kinky?
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
Combining these two as they will result in almost identical answers.
There are two answers to how I discovered I was kinky. I am still not entirely comfortable with the label “kinky”, but you already know my take on labels.
One, I always thought I was a little, well, different. I loved things like the damsel in distress themes in fantasy fiction. I thought it was disturbingly hot to see Fay Wray in chains in the ancient King Kong black and white (no, I’m not an old man…). Did everybody else think that was hot, as in sexually arousing? Well, I did and I knew I was weird because of it. Ah, the movie Dragonslayer – way too many subtexts to go into on that one. Possibly the first movie that combined my deep and abiding love for fantasy, and my nascent interest in the dirty. But Princess Elspeth. Sweet, noble, dark hair, beautiful…and in chains before the dragon. Um, yeah. I KNEW I wasn’t supposed to find that hot – but damn it was. Freak.
I remember watching the movie Splash and there was a backside shot of Daryl Hannah running on the beach. I remember thinking I wanted to smack her ass (and it was a great ass too). I think I was ten.
Yeah…maybe that just means I was a heterosexual male. Who knows.
I remember watching Conan the Barbarian as a kid (probably not the best viewing for impressionable young minds, but I was a sneaky bastard), and loving the slavegirl subtexts at various points in that movie. Here is this movie, supposedly an action adventure and I am ogling the chicks. One track mind, even back then. So in a way, I’ve always known I was a little different, but I wouldn’t have even considered calling it “kinky”.
Now, “sick”? Maybe…
The second answer is that I really discovered I was kinky when I realized I wasn’t alone. Reading fiction helped a lot in this for me as a teenager. Lord did I read a lot of fiction – and you can guess what a lot of it was. I read everything I could find. I gradually realized that if people were writing this stuff, then that meant I wasn’t the only one reading it. I still thought I was a freak though. Then the internet came along and I of course devoured everything I could read – sexual or otherwise. That was the Aha! moment. There were literally thousands, maybe tens of thousands like me. Even better, I could see that though yes, I was a freak, that I was way over on the mild end of the freak spectrum compared to others. You know that saying that somebody always has it worse? Yeah, others did. Does it make me a good person to think that? Not technically, but I felt better knowing I was less of a freak 🙂
There aren’t actually a lot of early experiences (i.e. childhood) that I can point to. I’m sure there must have been some, but I can’t remember anything that sticks out in my mind as being anything other than just kids being kids. Dang.
Now, there were experiences as an older teenager that were…but I don’t think I am going to share them here. Probably not appropriate for the thread. So, I will skip to young adulthood. I had a girlfriend (doesn’t everyone’s nasty stories start with “I had this girlfriend/boyfriend…”) who was the first person on Earth I let see what kind of filth I was reading. She not only didn’t freak out, she liked a lot of it. Score big points for GF!
Not only that, apparently I wasn’t the only one hiding the freak side. She came to my work one morning, and dragged me out to the parking lot. First she flashed me her tits right there in the parking lot. I of course scolded her for trying to get me fired or arrested. She said fine “punish me for it.”
She had one of those thin, fine chains in her pocket for some reason and handed it to me. Then she told me to whip her with it. She then proceeded to bend over the hood of my car, wiggle her ass, and look back at me with this affected fearful expression. My, my the temptation to do it was visceral, overpowering.
The instinct to avoid jail was stronger, and Trent’s common sense prevailed – barely.
I told her I wanted to spank her before sex one night and she not only acquiesced but told me I should spank before we have sex every time. These are the times when it’s good to be Trent. I found later on that she liked pain during sex, and I realized (though wouldn’t yet admit it to myself) that I liked giving it. It didn’t work out with that girl, but after that I realized more fully who and what I was. More importantly, I realized that if I found the right woman, I could be who I really was. After that relationship, I have always incorporated some level of kink into things, depending on the woman involved.
But I will shut my mouth before I get myself into trouble. What about you? When did you realize you were kinky? Did you have any experiences that crystallized that fact for you?
Until Day 5.
The fine author Alta Hensley was kind enough to let me hone in on her blog territory for just a bit today. The subject of the blog posting is anal discipline in Domestic Discipline or BDSM relationships. If you have a few minutes, pop on over and have a read.
While you’re there have a look at her books. She writes some great (read: HOT) domestic discipline erotic romances. Thanks again Alta for having me!
(30 DoK to be continued shortly…)
As writers are known to do, my mind wanders (sometimes it wanders even when I’m not writing), and when it does I have to set my WIP aside. Sometimes things just can’t be forced, and you have to let the noodle meander a bit. You meticulous outliners out there should try it once in a while:)
To avoid giving my brain a chance to wander, I typically try to minimize distractions while I write. Now, while I don’t pull a nutty Jimmy Cameron and lock myself in a room for two weeks straight with nothing but a stack of notebooks and a box of pens, I DO go to some lengths to focus.
TV? Forget it.
Phone? I literally put it in another room – too tempting.
Ditto the Kindle Fire (the urge to read, even while I am supposed to be writing, is sometimes overwhelming).
What about the internet? Now there is the sticky wicket. Most writers swear by turning it off, or using a non-connected computer, or even writing in :::horrors::: longhand. Me, I can’t do it. The internet has to be there. I need it to answer any number of questions that pop into my head while I am writing (or thinking about what I am writing). It is the greatest boon to writers since the invention of movable type.
As great as the internet is, it’s also easily the biggest distraction for a writer. And, I will be honest: I have blown a ton of time on the interwebz. I shudder to think what my productivity could be, without its seductive, addictive allure. Writers are by nature endlessly, almost pathologically, curious, and the internet is like crack for curious souls.
At this point, you’re asking yourselves: “Where the hell are you going with this, dude?”
OK, here is my point. Sometimes despite the time sink that are the Interwebz, something makes everything worth it. It happens when you stumble upon a great website. I write erotic romance and erotica. Sex is on my mind a lot. Wow, what a newsflash. Sometimes, I think I’ve read/seen/done it all. Then I come across a site like Taken in Hand. Since my particular area of concentration is BDSM, it seemed inconceivable that I wouldn’t have stumbled across this site long ago. I hadn’t, but I think I know why: it’s not really a site about BDSM per se . What it most definitely is though, is an absolute fucking treasure trove of inner thoughts, fears, and desires of female submissives. I began reading the riveting accounts of real submissives, and before I knew it, 4 hours were gone. POOF. We’re talking HALO levels of time acceleration here; for you non-gamers that means time just goes by really, really fast.
As a “dominant” “sadist” “master” whatever I am (hate labels), it’s like getting the keys to the steam tunnels under Disneyland. We big bad wolves get a peek into the workings of the mind of that most alluring of creatures, the female submissive. You may think you know all there is to know about submissives, but I assure you, when you read the accounts on this massive site, you will learn something new. The subs on the site almost uniformly express their submission as part of a committed heterosexual relationship (there is NO gay/lesbian bashing though), but the funny, scorching hot, sometimes poignant postings and articles will fascinate anyone, regardless of their current relationship status. The insight, humor, wisdom and honest, positive sexuality discussed there is like nowhere else I’ve ever seen. I can’t rave about it enough.
Why do I talk about this in a writing blog? I don’t really know. I just love the place, and for other erotica writers, especially those coming from the dominant’s perspective – there I go labeling myself – they will find it an amazing, edifying, and arousing (both physically and intellectually) place. Click over to it, just go. Now. You won’t regret it.
What do you think? Are there other discussion sites similar to Taken In Hand that you’ve come across?