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30 Days of Kink – Day 12

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Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

This one took some thinking for me. I had a tough time thinking of any outright funny things related to BDSM/kink. Embarrassing, erm, yeah. Maybe I will relate that on another day:)

I was reminded of a news story I came across on the Interwebz roundabout Valentine’s Day of this year. A couple had been arrested after the woman was found naked, bound and gagged in the back seat of her car.

It turns out this was a bit of role-playing gone “wrong”. I’d link to the story, but these people have probably been through the ringer enough as it is. If you’re curious, Google is your friend:)

I remember reading this story to a good  friend of mine (who happens to be female). I told her that I had two initial thoughts upon reading the story:

1. That dude’s Man Card is now ironclad; nothing can ever touch it. It’s encased in Awesome-ite.

2. That is what you call a good man taking care of his woman’s needs.

(My friend agreed, but she blushed beet red.)

I also told my friend that it was a virtual guarantee that the cops were high-fiving the guy even as they were booking him into jail. I sincerely hope the disorderly conduct charges were later dropped, but I never heard.

While this was undoubtedly mortifying for the couple, maybe someday they will look back on this and laugh. Yeah…maybe not.

Until Day 13

Trent

Call for Beta Readers

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Hello all! Since writers suffer from a chronic inability to judge the quality of their own work, they can sometimes benefit from additional sets of eyes looking over their manuscripts. I find myself in this situation now. I have a contemporary BDSM novelette (a shorter novella) that is scheduled to be released this month. I don’t really have a cover or even a title for the damn thing yet (working title is “A Sub’s Discipline“), but I’d like to have this looked over while I finalize those details.

For those of you who follow this blog regularly, you’ve got a pretty clear picture of what I write – BDSM erotica and erotic romance. If there are any brave readers out there who’d like a hand in molding my work into something halfway readable, I’d love to hear from you.

I am looking for honesty, objectivity and a critical eye. Tell me what you like as a reader – and tell me what you don’t like. I have a thick skin and I can take it when someone breaks the news to me that my book just plain sucks. That’s the whole reason for utilizing the services of beta readers.

If you are interested in reading, please let me know a few things:

– what do you like to read?

– what don’t you like to read?

– book length preference (e.g. “I’ll read short stories, but novels take too much time.” “I hate short stories.” etc)

– would you be interested in beta reading future books?

In exchange I can only offer a free beta copy of the book (in whichever format you prefer – print excluded) and the everlasting gratitude of a new author. If you are also an erotica/erotic romance writer, I would be happy to consider exchanging beta reading services as well.

ETA (thanks Black Hippie Chick!): If you’re interested in beta reading, please contact me via the following form:  [contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type= required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type= required=’1’/][contact-field label= type=”/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]

Thank you!

Trent

30 Days of Kink – Day 11

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Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

This is much too broad a topic to write about here in a blog post, so I will address one aspect of  “kink ethics” that has been bothering me of late: the soft tyranny of Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC). Uh oh,  now I’ve stepped in it. I’m off the reservation. There, got my mixed metaphors out of the way:)

SSC as a concept is a great thing, but there is a problem with it. It’s morphed from something that was formerly a rallying cry, a call for rational, clear thinking to a thing resembling a cudgel to be used to keep the pervy riff raff in line.

Everybody wants everyone to be safe; I think that should go without saying for 99% of us. However, some people who practice BDSM don’t want to be “safe”. I’ll use extreme breathplay as an example. Some normal, awesome people enjoy it. I don’t, but you sure as hell won’t hear me tell someone else that their kink doesn’t fall within the lines (read: prison bars) of SSC, and thus is wrong. This is where SSC becomes kink shaming – which drives me bat poop crazy.

SSC is one way to keep people safe, a set of guidelines perhaps. But it’s not the be all and end all of kink (yes, I realize nobody is saying it is – I loathe strawmen). SSC should absolutely NOT be a way for fellow pervs to deem other pervs beyond the pale.

So why am I writing about this? For those of you who’ve been following along with me, you know I am not a pro Dom. I don’t do clubs. I don’t scene. I am a relationship Dom (mostly). Is that even a term? Doesn’t matter. Why does SSC get under my skin so much? Because I am also a writer of BDSM erotica (and eventually erotic romance).

I am not here to call anybody out…but I have seen some things that disturb me vis-à-vis SSC and BDSM fiction.

I’m going to be blunt here. Fiction is fiction – it is not kink prosletyzing.

If someone wants to write about unsupervised body suspension, mummification, extreme breathplay, texting while driving, whatever it is that causes the SSC acolytes to fall to the ground in grand mal seizures, then they should be able to do so. Fiction is not real life – it’s shit the author made up. That’s it.

An author wants to tell a story – something that makes the reader feel. A writer wants to craft something that connects with the reader as a human being. You don’t tell a story by hitting all your marks in SSC dogma. If you try that then you end up writing a how-to manual. How-to manuals are great for what they are. But they aren’t the same thing as a story manufactured out of whole cloth. When I see someone tear down an author’s work because something occurs in their story that doesn’t conform to SSC, I scratch my head.

Do we berate someone like thriller writer Chelsea Cain? She depicts absolutely ghastly things in her books. But they’re great books, great fiction. Her books are not a how-to for serial killers, or profilers, or cops. They’re fiction; shit she made up. Do we wag our finger at her for depicting something that violates all laws, morals, and basic human decency? No, we see her books for what they are:  great, gripping yarns. The end.

(BTW – if you haven’t checked out Chelsea’s Gretchen Lowell series, you must do so. Like yesterday. Incredible characters, incredible voice. You will not regret it. Sorry, I can’t help it – I am a Chelsea Cain fan.)

But, in BDSM fiction we are seeing just that. It’s happening by inches, but it’s as relentless and unstoppable as the grind of a glacier. BDSM is being normalized, mainstreamed. Is it due to 50 Shades of Grey? I don’t know. I suppose it could be part of it. I think it’s actually more of a function of the commercial success of erotic romance in general.

What particular sub-genre of erotic romance sells the most books?

Paranormal? Maybe in 2010.

Menage? Nope.

Yes, you guessed it – it’s BDSM. I think it’s a GREAT thing. I really do. But, I wonder if the attention currently focused on BDSM is going to turn it into something many of us no longer recognize? Only time will tell.

I’ve seen other writers struggle with their erotica being lumped in with erotic romance, and suffering the ire of erotic romance readers because the story doesn’t include an HEA or strays into areas (such as non-con themes) deemed to be too dark. It’s not fair, but it’s happening.

I’m rambling here, so I am going to wrap this up. I guess what I am getting at here is that the very thing that differentiates kinky people from others – the “forbidden” nature of our orientations – is undergoing some change. How is it possible that BDSM is being both normalized/regulated (SSC dogma) and sanitized (the mainstreaming of BDSM in fiction and the popular consciousness)? I don’t know, but it’s happening.

What does this mean? My guess is that it means one of two things: either the spotlight will eventually move on to something else (and us sickos can get back to the business of being regular sickos), or it doesn’t move on – and it really becomes a new world for kink. Things might get even more interesting!

This post morphed into a mini-rant about a single topic, so maybe I will just call this Day 11 part I  🙂

Until next time.

Trent

“OMG, you listen to WHAT?!”

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Call Me Maybe – One of the catchiest songs in the past ten years…

This song follows Pop Music Hooks 101 – Rule #3: “When in doubt, add strings.” Now I am not exactly the target demographic for this song, but damn if it won’t get out of my head! I’m sure half the world is going to hate this thing in a couple of weeks, but right now? Yeah, it is stuck in Trent’s head.

Poor wittle innocent pop song:(

Some of you are probably asking yourselves: “Why the f*ck did Trent post about some teen pop song?” I love music, and always have. It affects me like little else, save reading and writing. It speaks to something primal in all of us, regardless of what particular type of music we listen to.

But mainly I wanted to write about something not quite so heavy. Don’t worry though – heavy and dark will be back very soon 🙂

One of the first things I like to ask when I’m getting to know someone is what kind of music they like. Perhaps I am guilty of being a tad overanalytical, but I’ve always felt it gave me a tiny glimpse at what kind of person they might be. Now, that said, I make sure not to make generalizations or assumptions about people based on what they listen to. Taste is subjective. One man’s masterpiece is another man’s emetic.

What got me thinking about music was when I was going through my phone, updating the songs on it. Yes, I stream – a LOT (Pandora, I heart thee) – but I also buy quite a bit of music. All digital downloads of course; I am struggling to recall the last time I actually purchased a CD. And while I was updating my playlist, I was struck anew at the bat poop crazy range of music that is on my phone.

You’ll never hear me criticize the music others choose to listen to, mainly because for me to do so would be akin to the pot calling the kettle black. Perhaps there are others out there like me – maybe this is the new normal in an increasingly specialized and subdivided entertainment culture – but my musical tastes are…schizophrenic. You’ll find anything from metal to country, Debussy to Deftones. There’s New Age (yes, really), pop, gangsta rap, trance, trip hop, ambient, etc. There’s even a super trippy, long form yoga composition(!), complete with spoken word segments mentioning the stars – and I don’t even do yoga. The point is, I’m all over the place.

Now, my personal favorite band is TOOL. I can’t pick out a favorite song of theirs – there are just too many. I can narrow it down to a few though:

– Reflection – These guys managed to create a song that’s dark, serpentine, even thoughtful – and sneak in cool references to the story of Narcissus from Greek mythology. The fact that this song does all of this without being pretentious is simply amazing.

– Lateralus – The title track from their nearly flawless album released in 2001. This is one of my favorites due mainly to an incredible arrangement, complicated time signature and a stunning, soul-stirring finale. This song is eleven years old and it still gives me chills.

– 10,000 days – Wings for Marie (Part 2) – Written by lead singer Maynard James Keenan as a sort of elegy (no, I did NOT confuse this with ‘eulogy’) for his disabled mother following her death. It’s so powerful, so heartbreaking, and, ultimately, supremely uplifting. This is a moving, incredible gem of a song that will make you want to give your mom a huge hug.

There is a lot of other music I love, but I am boring you all at this point. I would really love to know what music you guys like to listen to, what moves you. Please feel free to comment, or send me an e-mail if that’s more comfortable for you. Until next time:)

Trent

30 Days of Kink – Day 10

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Day 10: What are your hard limits?

When I first read this title, I thought to myself  “This is going to be a reaallly short blog post.” So, I had to think about it – for days. After those solemn hours of contemplation I came to a realization…

It’s still going to be a short list:)

I looked through the rest of the questions for 30 Days of Kink, and I don’t see anything for soft limits – so I’ll include some of those too. The list below is what I would or would not be prepared to give, not receive. Just in case there is any confusion:)

I’ll start with differentiating between hard limits and soft limits (for me):

Soft Limit= something I wouldn’t normally do, but might do under certain, very specific conditions.

Hard Limit = something I would not do under any circumstances.

HUGE DISCLAIMER – just because these are my limits, doesn’t mean I am  rendering judgement on others’ kinks (except, obviously, for the kids and animals; those are universal no-nos.)

Here is my list:

  • “Golden showers”/pee – in fiction this can be hot – if written well. Aran Ashe and William Avon do it particularly well. Just not sure it’s something I could do IRL…maybe someday.
  • Blood Play – There is one aspect of blood play that’s a possible one for me: whipping or caning to the blood. If I did it, it would only ever be to the buttocks; nowhere else is it safe IMO (though there are others who say upper back is fine too; I disagree with them). Again, in fiction this can be hot if done right, and in limited doses. IRL? I just don’t have enough practice with whips and canes for it to be safe. Another one that’s a “maybe someday”.
Hard Limits
  • No children or anyone under 18 – no exceptions. This should go without saying.
  • No scat
  • No animals
  • No extreme breathplay (e.g. until unconsciousness). A hand around her throat to assert ownership of my slave? Hell yes. A collar that’s a little snug so that she feels a constant physical reminder of her being owned, controlled? Yes indeed. Leashes? Fuck yes. But despite my weird penchant for enjoying wrestling with and physically taking down a woman, I don’t want to choke her out.
  • Blood play (specifically, cutting) – It’s not something I would ever feel safe doing. Sure, there are some very experienced players who love this, and can do it safely. I’m just not one of them. Oddly enough fantasy author Jacqueline Carey handles cutting VERY well, and she actually makes it scorching hot. If you haven’t read her Kushiel series, you’re missing out.
  • Branding – In fiction it can be so fucking hot, in a very disturbing way. See The Story of O, or the art of Loic Dubigeon I linked to in my Day 8 post for examples of what I mean. However, IRL it’s a bridge too far for me. Unlike tattoos which are (painfully) reversible, branding is – short of skin grafting – not. Best left to fantasy, at least for me.
  • Dishonesty – Don’t roll your eyes. I’m serious. What I mean is a sub not communicating her needs  – which includes HER limits. Don’t try something just because you think he’ll like it, or he tells you to. This is not only for your safety. It’s for mine, too. No Dom/Master/Sadist worth a squirt of piss wants to unintentionally bring something up from a sub’s past or trigger a panic attack – or worse. Communicate, communicate, communicate. If your Dom doesn’t want to communicate, then you’re in danger. Tell him to fuck off, safeword, call a monitor, whatever you need to do. Just don’t go any further. <end rant>
There, see? Not a long list at all. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some things, but I think this covers the lion’s share of my limits.
Until Day 11!
Trent


50 Shades of…

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I’ll just leave this right here 🙂

 

ETA (thanks Flogging Mommy!): Here’s the full video. I’m crying laughing right now…

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/amazon-mothers-day-ad/1400037

 

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Trent Evans is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Sites Trent Loves

Megan Michaels – Author
Natasha Knight – Author
Sadey Quinn – Author
Anneke Jacob – Author
Joey W. Hill – Author
Annabel Joseph – Author
Maren Smith – Author
1950s Wife
Behind The Chintz Curtain
Jolynn Raymond – Author
Sue Lyndon – Author
Michael Manning – Artist