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30 Days of Kink – Day 15

October 9, 2012 By Trent Evans

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

 

A very good friend of mine was kind enough to share her personal sexual “Bucket List”. It was eye-opening to say the least — and it got me to thinking. What things would I like to do, but just (for whatever reason) haven’t had a chance to do? Do I have a sexual/BDSM “bucket list”? Well, I suppose I do, but  I will spare you the overshare on this blog. I’ll just mention a few items (only one would make for a rather short blog post).

Note – these are things I would like to do, not have done to me:)

In no particular order:

– Sensory Deprivation –

The thought of having a sub hooded, bound and on her knees is extremely hot. I realize that this is not for everyone, but I know I’d love it.  She’s lost in her own world, her own head is her prison. How much of our reality is our sensory perception? What do we become when deprived of it, even for a short time?

She kneels, her own island, a kingdom of one. If she’s fully hooded (with gag and earplugs) she’s left with touch only.  She’s helpless, utterly dependent upon you, for everything. It would be something at once erotic and sobering — a way to tie her to you in a way that becomes something much more than physical.

The multi-layered significance of the deprivation is what strikes me most about it. Visually, you’re depriving her of her identity, her uniqueness as a woman. You’ve taken away those gorgeous, luminous eyes, that cascade of dark hair, the delicate beauty of that pretty face. She’s reduced to a commodity: simply breasts, buttocks, a pussy. Total objectification. Yours.

You’re literally depriving her of senses, those things that help make us sentient beings. There cannot be a much higher level of control. Most of all it is something that would take an incredible amount of trust. How can that level of trust between two loving human beings not be erotic and beautiful — even uplifting?

– Caging –

This one is also fairly extreme, but it’s one of those where I always wonder how the reality comports with the fantasy. To look down upon her as she crouches, naked,  in her little prison, her big eyes peering up at you, while you’re free to move about the room, the house. Equal parts degradation and objectification, it has a certain unsettling something about it that makes it unique. Incredibly hot in fantasy and in fiction . . . but does it translate well to reality? Who knows, but perhaps someday, I’ll find out.

– Kinbaku –

Japanese rope bondage. Fascinating to me, like almost nothing else. I have virtually zero experience with it, but damn I’d like to change that someday. I equate this to being able to treat your sub as a sort of  toy — she becomes almost your puppet. Most of all, thinking about what’s going through her head as she’s bound adds so much more to it. Her arousal and fear at her helplessness, her embarrassment at her exposure, her discomfort even pain at the positions her body is forced into.  While your fingers play over the tight skin of her bulging breasts constricted in her chest harness, the rough rope of the crotch tie abrading the soft tissues of her wet pussy, her mind is where the really interesting action is taking place. Oh if only we could crawl in there with her and witness it for ourselves:)

 

Ah, maybe someday. We don’t always get to do everything on our bucket list, but sometimes life presents . . . opportunities:)

What about you? What are some of the items on your bucket list?

Until Day 16!

 

Best,

Trent

 

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, BDSM psychology, breast bondage, caging, degradation, delicate beauty, Dominance and submission, gags, helplessness, hoods, japanese rope bondage, Kinbaku, luminous eyes, objectfication, objectification, sensory deprivation, sensory perception, shibari, trust, vulnerability

30 Days of Kink – Day 13

September 2, 2012 By Trent Evans

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Intensity. That’s what comes to mind when I think of this question. Be it physical or psychological (or maybe even spiritual), BDSM is simply more intense than vanilla sex/sexuality. Perhaps that might be a trifle self-serving — after all since I’m not by any stretch of the imagination “vanilla”, I can’t really compare the levels of intensity. But I suspect that I can make a fairly educated guess:)

Part of this intensity, to me, relates to the ability to strip the human psyche down to its most primal parts. When you get right down to it, humans are animals, with animalistic drives.  Sex is one of the most powerful of those drives; witness planet Earth, fair teeming with 7 BILLION of us.

Sexuality expressed within the context of BDSM allows us the freedom to be who we really are deep down inside, to embrace that raw, primal being. This “freedom” is paradoxical, but no less true, for that kneeling sub bound tightly in her rope. In a more subtle way, for the Dom it allows him to throw off the cultural/societal strictures and prohibitions, and get in touch with that inner animal, that being that seeks to control, to conquer, to revel in the power of imposing his will on his beloved submissive.

The animal world is replete with unequal power dynamics with regard to sexuality. Though we like to think we are so very much different, we’re kidding ourselves. Our drives are no different, rather they are tempered, restrained by higher functioning brains, our capacity for reason, our singular ability to be aware of our own consciousness, and our place in the larger world. When it comes down to sex though . . . the ancient, lower functioning (some will refer to it as ‘reptilian’) brain is very much the underlying, driving force.

BDSM allows one to acknowledge that fact, and rather than try to suppress it, one can redirect it, draw from it, for the (hopefully) mutual pleasure of all involved. It’s all too tempting to generalize about the innate natures of males and females here. I’m not going to do it though, simply because the human race is so marked by exception, contradiction, and just plain baffling craziness, that there is no point in it. I can only speak for me, and with luck, most of time such speech will be cogent:)

The ‘why’ of this question is the tougher nut to crack. I suspect many of us in the BDSM “community” (I sometimes scratch my head at the meaning of that term, but I suppose it works) will never really understand why we are the way we are. Personally, I don’t think it really matters. Do vanilla people sit down and navel gaze about why they like what they like? My guess is . . . no. I think we, for whatever reason, were (for the majority of us) made this way. I was going to say ‘born this way’, but then Lady Gaga started playing in my head. Sorry, where was I?

As with so much else when it comes to human sexuality, the why (when it can be determined at all) is never simple. The human mind is so incredibly complex, every process and structure so interconnected, that it is impossible to determine a single causative factor in determining why someone likes what they like. We can deduce, surmise, and guess forever — and we’ll still never nail it down.

For me, part of the appeal is the mystery of the motivation, the uncertainty of the origins of such urges. It adds a spice, an underlying ambiguity, even a danger to everything we do. We pervs key in on this, again, as animalistic beings. We just can’t help it.

I’ve always found one of the most fascinating aspects of quantum mechanics to be the Uncertainty Principle. In laymen’s terms, this states that it is actually impossible to pinpoint simultaneously, with zero probability for error, the exact position and velocity of a particle (physics majors:  yes, I understand I am grossly simplifying here).

I bring this up for two reasons: 1) I’m a nerd, 2) I equate the ‘why’ of BDSM sexuality with this principle. Bet you never thought you’d see someone connect quantum mechanics with whips and chains. Yes, that just happened.

We really can never know, exactly, why we are who we are. To my twisted mind, this not only adds mystery and excitement, but it lends me a modicum of comfort as well. Do any of us really want to be completely understood (or even fully understand ourselves)? If we’re honest, I’ll bet most of us would answer ‘hell no’.

There are, of course, reasons we can cite for individual kinks that we like, but even there we will get tripped up in the exact whys of things. For instance, I am a big time fan of spanking and corporal punishment. I find the female buttocks probably one of the most beautiful, viscerally exciting sights in the world. Spanking a woman . . . it’s just right. The why is pretty easy to guess, but can we nail it down precisely? No, we can’t— if we’re honest with ourselves. Do I think about this as I am spanking a woman, feeling her body against mine, listening to her cry out, watching the color of her bottom deepen further and further? Of course not—I accept, and enjoy.

I’m going to leave this here, because this is such a fascinating question that I could easily write a damned book about it. Rather than continue flapping my gums, I’ll quit while I’m ahead:) Until Day 14!

Best,

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, animalistic sex, BDSM, BDSM psychology, beautiful female buttocks, D/s, Dominance and submission, kink motivation, mysteries of vanilla sexuality, paradox of submission, primal sexual urges, reptilian brain, science, society, spanking, Uncertainty Principle

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