When I first read this title, I thought to myself “This is going to be a reaallly short blog post.” So, I had to think about it – for days. After those solemn hours of contemplation I came to a realization…
It’s still going to be a short list:)
I looked through the rest of the questions for 30 Days of Kink, and I don’t see anything for soft limits – so I’ll include some of those too. The list below is what I would or would not be prepared to give, not receive. Just in case there is any confusion:)
I’ll start with differentiating between hard limits and soft limits (for me):
Soft Limit= something I wouldn’t normally do, but might do under certain, very specific conditions.
Hard Limit = something I would not do under any circumstances.
HUGE DISCLAIMER – just because these are my limits, doesn’t mean I am rendering judgement on others’ kinks (except, obviously, for the kids and animals; those are universal no-nos.)
Here is my list:
- “Golden showers”/pee – in fiction this can be hot – if written well. Aran Ashe and William Avon do it particularly well. Just not sure it’s something I could do IRL…maybe someday.
- Blood Play – There is one aspect of blood play that’s a possible one for me: whipping or caning to the blood. If I did it, it would only ever be to the buttocks; nowhere else is it safe IMO (though there are others who say upper back is fine too; I disagree with them). Again, in fiction this can be hot if done right, and in limited doses. IRL? I just don’t have enough practice with whips and canes for it to be safe. Another one that’s a “maybe someday”.
- No children or anyone under 18 – no exceptions. This should go without saying.
- No scat
- No animals
- No extreme breathplay (e.g. until unconsciousness). A hand around her throat to assert ownership of my slave? Hell yes. A collar that’s a little snug so that she feels a constant physical reminder of her being owned, controlled? Yes indeed. Leashes? Fuck yes. But despite my weird penchant for enjoying wrestling with and physically taking down a woman, I don’t want to choke her out.
- Blood play (specifically, cutting) – It’s not something I would ever feel safe doing. Sure, there are some very experienced players who love this, and can do it safely. I’m just not one of them. Oddly enough fantasy author Jacqueline Carey handles cutting VERY well, and she actually makes it scorching hot. If you haven’t read her Kushiel series, you’re missing out.
- Branding – In fiction it can be so fucking hot, in a very disturbing way. See The Story of O, or the art of Loic Dubigeon I linked to in my Day 8 post for examples of what I mean. However, IRL it’s a bridge too far for me. Unlike tattoos which are (painfully) reversible, branding is – short of skin grafting – not. Best left to fantasy, at least for me.
- Dishonesty – Don’t roll your eyes. I’m serious. What I mean is a sub not communicating her needs – which includes HER limits. Don’t try something just because you think he’ll like it, or he tells you to. This is not only for your safety. It’s for mine, too. No Dom/Master/Sadist worth a squirt of piss wants to unintentionally bring something up from a sub’s past or trigger a panic attack – or worse. Communicate, communicate, communicate. If your Dom doesn’t want to communicate, then you’re in danger. Tell him to fuck off, safeword, call a monitor, whatever you need to do. Just don’t go any further. <end rant>