Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
This is going to be a rather short blog post (I heard that relieved applause back there). I don’t think there really is much of a difference in keeping a BDSM vs. vanilla relationship healthy. It’s a relationship, period, and as such it takes communication, compatibility, communication, honesty, and communication:)
To me the only real area that might be markedly different vis-a-vis vanilla vs. kinky is in the area of sexual compatibility. Many kinky people try to maintain a vanilla relationship and find that it’s simply not something that will work.
I am one of those people.
I’ve tried vanilla … and I’m 99% sure I’ll never do it again. For many of us, trying to maintain a vanilla relationship is like living your life holding a part of yourself back, hiding that important, even vital, aspect of your sexuality as if it’s something that’s … optional. With me it’s not optional, at least not anymore! I suppose that realization often comes with time, and life experience, and most of all, perspective.
The bottom line is that it’s being true to who I really am for the first time in my life. Many people live their entire lives without being able to be comfortable with who they are. I managed to do it though, and I highly recommend it:)
Until Day 23.
Sadey Quinn says
I think this is one area where it’s a little easier for submissive women…
If I’m dating a guy and tell him I like being held down while he fucks me, or I enjoy spankings, most likely he’ll be game, even if he’s “vanilla”.
It’s a little harder for a dominant guy to work with a vanilla girl, I imagine.