C is for Courage
I know, some of you are already wondering “How the eff is Trent going to make this spanking or BDSM related?” as I’d promised in my opening post of the challenge. Stick with me here, and decide for yourself if I’ve managed it.
Why did I pick Courage? Because when it comes to achieving your goals, to realizing your dreams, to living the life you’ve always wanted, it takes courage, and there’s no getting around it. Without courage, there is no change. Without change, there’s no growth.
(Half of you are already rolling your eyes, mumbling “Get to the fucking point, Deepak”.)
What do I mean by this?
I’ve been in that place, a turning point where I needed courage to move forward, to change, to grow. And you know what?
I blew it.
Learn from my mistake, and don’t blow it when that turning point comes for you — and make no mistake, someday it will come. Live with courage, practice courage, and especially, expect courage from yourself.
Do this, and when that day comes, you’ll do the opposite of what Trent did:)
When you realize that your ideas of what is “romantic” or “erotic” don’t seem to match what you typically hear from people you know, have the courage to consider what that might say about you.
When you discover that you may in fact be kinky — even if you’d never have described yourself as such — have the courage not to recoil in horror.
Have the courage not to label yourself as a freak.
Have the courage not to think you’re broken.
When you’re faced with telling that person you love what you really want, have the courage to open your damned mouth and simply tell them. Have the courage to do this even when you fear they might run screaming.
Have the courage to realize that living your life with a part of you hidden from those you love is far worse than losing someone who was never worth your love.
If your wife asks you to spank her because it turns her on, for God’s sake, have the courage to give it a try.
And then have the courage to admit that it turned YOU on too.
If your husband asks you if he can spank you, for God’s sake, have the courage to give it a try.
And then have the courage to admit it did nothing for you … because he didn’t spank you hard enough.
When you’ve reached that (glorious) point where you’ve accepted who — and what — you are, have the courage to celebrate that. Then have the courage to admit that you really know nothing.
Have the courage to quit that job that pays you more, but drains your soul. Then have the courage to take the job that pays you less, but feeds your soul.
Have the courage to write that book, even if you fear you’re a no-talent hack. Then have the courage to keep writing books, until the world has no choice but to acknowledge that you’re anything but a no-talent hack.
Have the courage to visit that club, attend that munch, send that e-mail, and tell that person your name.
When you discover new kinks, have the courage to accept those that turn you on, and even more importantly, the courage to accept that some kinks won’t.
When it comes to your kinks, and kink in general, have the courage to think clearly — and to think for yourself. Have the courage to admit that some things really are okay — and have the courage to decide which things really aren’t.
Have the courage to acknowledge where your past traumas and your kinks intersect. Then have the courage to accept that they’ve both helped forge the person you are today. Then have the HERCULEAN courage it takes to love that person you are.
Have the courage to hold her hand when she’s scared. And have the courage to never let her know that you’re scared too.
Have the courage to kiss away her tears, to hug her tight, and to tell her everything will be okay — even if you have no idea how you’ll make that so.
Have the courage to forgive — and to forgive yourself.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly of all: Have the courage to love, and to be loved.
* * * *
It’s the easy way, the safe way, to hide from the truth. It takes courage to acknowledge the truth, and to accept it — no matter what it is. I’ll leave you now with this final message:
WEELLL, that got kinda weird. Maybe now might be a good time to visit some of the other blogs participating in this awesome challenge. Thanks for reading:)
Maggie Carpenter says
Trent Evans says
You’re too kind, Maggie:)
Katherine Deane says
ok, can I just say this without you taking it the wrong way, Trent?
I LOVE YOU!
Thank you thank you thank you!
Those are exactly the thoughts I went through, especially this one :
“And then have the courage to admit it did nothing for you … because he didn’t spank you hard enough.”
(Amen to that one, for the first year of our relationship! 🙂 )
This post really spoke to me.
I love it!
Thanks so much for posting this.
Also, I’d like to add that it is so awesome to hear stuff from a guy’s perspective.
(oh, wait, is it inappropriate for me to offer hugs to a guy? I “hug” all the gals too 🙂 )
Trent Evans says
Thank you, Katherine! I promise I won’t take that the wrong way:)
I hoped others might see themselves in some of these words. I know I saw myself in a few (though I won’t say which ones).
It is good to hear some different perspectives; I’m usually the “token male” in this sub-genre, but at this point I’m pretty comfy with that. As long as I’m putting together at least halfway cogent thoughts, then I’ve done my duty!
And of course it’s appropriate! Dudes like hugs too:)
Stevie MacFarlane says
Excellent and oh so true. Great post!
Trent Evans says
I really appreciate that, Stevie:) Thanks for reading and commenting.
Han van Meegeren says
Being a bloody foreigner, the dictionary is my best friend. Courage says:
1. the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc
2. the courage of one’s convictions the confidence to act in accordance with one’s beliefs
3. take one’s courage in both hands to nerve oneself to perform an action
4. mind; disposition; spirit
To nerve oneself to come out of the closet is terrifying. True. But more and more people leave the closet at some time and they can only do it when they are ready to. To face their partner and to be vulnerable. You described in a very poetic way Trent. I liked it very much..
Trent Evans says
Thank you for saying that, Han. I just wanted to tell the truth — and to make sure people know that they’re far from alone in their fears. To be kinky is (too often) to feel very alone. It doesn’t need to be that way, so if my words ever help even one person to take that next step, then that’s all anyone could ever ask for:)