Oh boy, this thing isn’t messing around; it’s going right for the jugular with these prompts. Here goes nothing…

List your kinks.

This would be a shorter list if I listed the kinks I didn’t like, but I will shamelessly copy BDSM author Sadey Quinn here and use a top ten list. However, I won’t rank it – I’ll just list them in no particular order.

Note – all of this assumes her consent. Non-consent is the provenance of fantasy, my friends.

– Spanking/Corporal punishment –

Shocker right? A Dom who likes spanking? Well that’s me I guess Mr. Unoriginal sadist 😉

So, why I like this is self-explanatory: you get to hurt her, embarrass her (with her exposure to you), and feel her luscious ass all at once. It doesn’t get better than that for guys like me. Spanking is the most intimate punishment, and you can cause a surprising amount of sting and visually pleasing marks with the hand. Most importantly, it’s the safest, by far, form of corporal punishment. A Dom’s hand is meant to fit around the curvy bottom of his sub. It’s cosmic.  (I’m such a sap…)

I really, really like the cane too, for two reasons: it hurts like a sonofabitch, and if it’s done right, it leaves those glorious tramlines. It takes practice (and honestly, I need a lot more of it), but it is so damn fun to use the cane. So little effort to expend – literally, the flick of your wrist – to transport your darling to another world of pain and arousal.

Word of warning – BE FUCKING CAREFUL. She is trusting you with her vulnerable little ass, so don’t blow it by hurting her (more than you intend to anyway). She’ll love you for it.

– Humiliation –

I really struggled with this when I first came to grips with who I really was. Why would I like to humiliate her? Basically, it’s about control. She has given you control over her (notice how I said “given”? – yeah consent is important). I like to show her that I can do whatever I want with her. I don’t like public humiliation unless both she and the witnesses to said humiliation are part of it. In short the allure of  non-consensual public humiliation needs to stay in the realm of fantasy. I like it there just fine (OK, I love non-con humiliation in fiction), believe me  – and judging by erotica sales, lots of other people do too. Subtle humiliation can be so, so hot. It’s more psychological than anything. You’re invading, controlling her feelings – in a way it’s even more potent than physical control. Make her go to dinner with you in that tight white tank top, so everyone gets a good view of those big, wobbling tits? So sweet. Forbid her to wear underwear of any kind to work that day? She gets to worry if her weeping cunt will leave a wet spot on her skirt as she sits at her desk thinking about it. OK, maybe she’d do something to prevent such a thing. The point is you’re making her deal with that, making her think about it. Truly awesome : )

(An aside here. If you like humiliation in your BDSM fiction, then you need to go immediately to Sadey Quinn’s blog and from there go buy her books. Or you can just start here, then go here. I have read a LOT of BDSM fiction and I think she writes some of the best BDSM and humiliation I’ve ever read. Seriously, go now. You won’t regret it.)

– Pony Play / Pet Play – 

This is one I have not done IRL, but have always loved it. This plays directly into the humiliation kink, really. You are reducing someone to something less than human (in a figurative sense, of course), which is a very effective (and hardcore) form of control. If you take a step back from this it can look frankly ridiculous, but if you stay in the headspace of the woman submitting to such treatment it is incredibly hot. Displaying her body in whatever way is arousing to you rather than what she finds comfortable, depriving her of the ability to speak (bits for ponyplay/muzzles for petplay), training her to move/comport herself physically in the exact way you require  – and if she fails punishing her for it. In the case of ponyplay, you are actually reducing her to the level of a mode of transportation – pulling you as a draft horse would. It’s wacky shit to be sure, but it’s um, yeah, nice. I am going to shut up here, because I could go on a LOT longer on this one.

– Oral Servicing/”Forced” Oral/Face-fucking –

I use these various terms because it means different things to different people. A sub’s main duty is servicing her Dom or Master. Using her mouth is the natural, most subservient way of doing so. She’s on her knees before you, her hands bound tightly behind her back, your fist in her hair, dictating to her when she has to use her lips and tongue, and when she has to relax that throat and take all of you. If she gags, that’s fine; I like it. I think this is one area many “vanilla” guys can most readily understand vis-à-vis the attraction of kink. There is an element of subservience in oral sex, a constant subconscious undercurrent that serves as one of the reasons that guys like it so much. It’s more than the physical bliss of her agile tongue and soft lips; it’s something on a deeper, instinctual level. Some guys accept it and don’t examine that motivation; motor-mouths like me take it out, look at it from all angles and write a fucking essay about it <eg>

– Face Slapping – 

(Note –  I am not talking about giving her a fat lip or slapping her silly. No fucking way is that okay with me. That’s abusive. I am talking about a few crisp slaps to the cheek; nothing damaging  – other than to her pride – whatsoever.)

Very conflicted about this; I have never done this, and really I’m not sure I could. Maybe this is one of those that is better relegated to fantasy? I know, I know,  Domly McDomlersons aren’t supposed to suffer such mortal feelings as :::shock! horror!::: ambivalence. But it’s true. I think it can only be done (and really should only be done) between two people in a committed relationship or marriage. YMMV

Why? Because the level of trust it takes to allow something like this is so deep, that I would never be comfortable enough doing it in any other setting. Why so conflicted? This goes against everything men, from the earliest of ages, are (rightly) told about how to treat a woman. You don’t slap her – even if she slaps you. Chivalry, I guess.

So Trent, why is this on your list if you’re including all these qualifiers, and plastering equivocation all over it? BDSM is often about the breaking down of boundaries, pushing limits – even the Dom’s limits. I think this is, in a way, harder on a loving Dom than it is on the sub. However, in the context of a committed relationship, it could be something really, um, interesting; a sort of unfiltered, simple manifestation of a Dom’s control and imposition of his will upon her. He is literally invading her personal space in a way that’s unlike anything else; at once intimate and humiliating. In fiction when I’ve encountered it, I found it incandescently hot and it freaked me out a little at first that I would have such a reaction. But we all have to be open to new things – and be honest with ourselves.

God, I am going to get fucking murdered on this one – but I said I would be honest.

– Discipline –

OK this differs from something like spanking in that it’s more of a ritualized, purposeful act rather than spanking your sub just because you want to see her ass furnace red. Something like Domestic Discipline appeals to me. I am big on lists of rules and regulations she must follow, and discipline is what would result when she fails to meet expectations or doesn’t follow the rules. The discipline could be anything (but with me it’s going to be sexual in some way). Spanking, cornertime, anal discipline, etc – it could be whatever is most effective (or just what I feel she needs at the time).  I find the idea of maintenance spanking/discipline smokin’ hot. (e.g. she gets a spanking on a set night once per week/month/whatever just on general principles). Maintenance spanking does a few things:

• It punishes her for anything he may have missed (she pays for something he overlooked; ah sweet injustice – the life of a slave <eg>).
• It reinforces her submission to her Dom, and the fact that she is subject to him.
• It gives her something to fret about, dread (and lets be honest, get wet over) all week long until her next maintenance spanking.
• It’s a great excuse to put his hands on her gorgeous ass.

This is another topic I am going to zip it about – could write a damned book about this one alone.

– Piercing/Tattoos – 

These fit into kink like a hand in a glove (or a cock in a pussy to use a more appropriate metaphor). Something so hot about having her flesh pierced at your direction, claiming her as your own. Nipples IMO cry out for rings, but then again I am a perv. Yes, it’s possible to have too many rings, but for me that has to go pretty far to reach that point. I find tattoos simply beautiful, and would probably like them (on women) even if I wasn’t a twisted bastard. I find them aesthetically pleasing, and not just in a sexual way (although that’s a BIG part of it). The relative permanence of tattoos makes them something special that sets them apart from piercing in a way.

Piercing and tattooing is about pain and possession: she goes through that pain to mark herself as your possession. Day-um.

-Sharing-

Sharing your sub with other Doms/Masters. This seems natural to me, especially in a Master/slave context. The idea of loaning out your sub to another Dom, or perhaps working on her with another Dom is something that appeals to me. I’ve never done it, but I know I’d love it. By sharing her, you are again demonstrating your control, your ownership of her. Sharing gives you a chance to see how she is with other Doms. Perhaps you realize you’ve been going too easy on her when you see her respond to different, harsher treatment from another Dom. Maybe you realize your sub, who had always previously declared herself 110% hetero, may have been not entirely honest when you see her cunt weeping as she takes that hard spanking from a Mistress. Adding another variable tends to makes things more interesting; it can open up greater vistas, more possibilities.

-Breast Bondage/Torture – 

I am fixated on the female buttocks; I think that’s a requirement to get your spanko card. But I am equally fascinated by breasts. I know, another true newsflash, right? Bound breasts; the itchy rope abrading her tender flesh, the pale skin tight and smooth to the touch, the globes bulging under the stricture. Holy hotness Batman! Whipping them, slapping them (love this), squeezing them. The nipples are just so vulnerable. They call out to us to both pleasure and hurt them. It makes no sense; it’s a storm of contradiction. But it doesn’t matter-  human desires rarely make sense.

What’s not to love about breasts?

-The Crying/Comforting Dichotomy-

Not sure if this is a kink or maybe just a mind-set. I enjoy spanking a sub until she cries. Sadistic? Probably, but what if you factor in how much better she feels after a good cry? Some subs need that cry, want it. They don’t want it because they are crazy head-cases. They want the release, the unburdening of tension and anxiety that comes with that crying. Ask a woman how she feels after a good hard cry. A lot of the time, she will tell you they feel so much better. Does this mean we should going around beating women’s asses willy-nilly “for their own good”? Um, no. My point is that their reactions are a lot more complicated then they would appear on the surface.

Maybe she’s just had 20 searing strokes with the cane, and her ass is on fire. The tears are streaming down her beautiful face. Am I turned on by those tears? Hell yes, I am. Is it because those tears are her physiological reaction to the severe pain? Or is it because those tears are a catharsis, a way to release those emotions bottled up inside. Maybe she just wants to lose control of everything and abandon herself to emotion and sensation?What’s the answer? I don’t know. Females, and female subs in particular, are fascinating, complicated creatures. Any Dom who thinks he has them figured out is a fucking liar.

Here is the really fucked up part of it for me. I love the comforting afterward (the “aftercare”); it actually turns me on (yes, physically). It’s her vulnerability that does it. She’s surrendered to you. Yours to protect and comfort; care for and shelter. The soothing, kissing away her tears, whispering in her ear. Holding her – just holding her. Maybe she falls asleep, maybe we talk about nothing at all. Just talk. This is when you have reached that privileged inner sanctum of a sub’s mind. It’s truly intimate. No walls, no facades – just her. A man and a woman. Living, experiencing, sharing – loving.

Maybe that wasn’t quite a top 1o list per se, but whatever it was, it was brutally effing honest. I know I will be raked over the coals for some of it. Oh well – no guts, no glory. Maybe some lucky woman will read this and have the courage to tell her beloved husband what she really desires. Maybe somewhere a man will sit down with his wife and talk about why they’ve been fighting, why he’s been holding himself back from being what he really is, what he really wants to be with her.

It’s why I am doing this. If this helps just one couple connect, this will be worth it. See you for Day 3… oh dear Lord help me.

Trent

Well here’s something you don’t see everyday: a guy answering the 30 Days of Kink questions. I told my friend Sadey Quinn that I would follow along with her own postings and answer the questions too.

Now it’s time for me to pay the piper.

Some tough guy I am, eh? This is a lot harder then I anticipated. What the hell, and this may ramble some, but here goes (nobody reads this blog anyway)…

Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

My name is Trent Evans and I really, really dislike labels. What, I have to choose something? OK, fine. Dominant, I guess – but you could easily throw in Master, Sadist, spelunker, etc. OK, maybe not spelunker, but still, the labels bother me.

I will put it this way: I enjoy control. Controlling a submissive. Imposing my will on her. There, that’s crystallized enough, I think. I love both physical and psychological control. Here’s where the sadist streak in me comes into play: I am a lifelong spanko (giving, not receiving). Love it, in all its forms, from the simple hand to the cane. It’s all great, amazing. “Impact play” – eh, that term leaves me cold. Just call it spanking, paddling, caning, whatever – and people will immediately identify with it, love it or hate it.

Spanking is so tied up into physical and psychological control (not to mention emotions) that it is the quintessence of imposing your will on another. You make her feel that pain, feel that humiliation (if that’s part of what you’re after; it certainly interests me!), feel the arousal – you just make her feel. It’s as much a visual/tactile enjoyment as it is a psychological one. You tell her she’s to be spanked that evening, and you make her wait all day to find out how, where, with what.

You make her feel.

Trepidation, fear, arousal, pain, anticipation; her sensations and emotions are as important, if not more so, than getting to lay your hand all over her curvy ass as you spank her. There is little that’s more enjoyable in life than watching your sub orgasm, crying out, writhing in spite of, because of, the sensations you’ve made her experience. It’s something maybe only doms (or switches) understand. It’s even better than getting off yourself (not that that isn’t awesome or of paramount importance either). But breaking down her shields, making her surrender to sensation, making her face the real her – the basics of what makes her tick. That my twisted friends is control, and nothing is better. OK, that’s not quite true though, but “Doms/Masters/Sadists” aren’t supposed to say it in public. There is one thing better:

Love.

(Don’t let it get out that I said such a blasphemous thing.)

Maybe that’s getting too far into the whys of things, but there it is, straight from Trent.

You guys bored yet? Don’t answer that.

Now there are aspects of BDSM that I love that may not translate as well from fantasy into real life. Here’s a short list:

Sexual slavery? Awesome.

Humiliation?  :::Pichard voice::: “Engage!”

Pony play? RAD.

Pet Play? Check.

I am fascinated, fascinated, by the concept of consensual non-consent. Think of it as consent by plebiscite, if you will. But I emphasize the consensual part of the equation. It absolutely has to be something she wants, and she has to choose it unequivocally – once.

Really, really difficult to pull off morally (or legally, really), but that one is straight from the darkest, fevered recesses of Trent’s fantasy bank.  Probably TMI? Well TFB (too fucking bad).

I’m going to end the list there, because there is a lot more to it and I think the next 30 days will be better places to share some of this.

:::I can’t believe I am sharing this. I need a drink :::

What do you think? Shut up Trent? Or do you want to hear more?