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You are here: Home / Archives for kink acceptance

Medical BDSM excerpt — Saturday Spankings — Nov,1 2014

October 31, 2014 By Trent Evans

saturday-spankings

 

 

Greetings spankos and sickos,

This week, those krazy kinksters Kirsten and Keihl (SWIDT?) are taking a little break. Rest assured though, they’ll be back soon. Instead, I wanted to share a short clip from another upcoming full length novel of mine with the working title of The Doctor and The Bad Girl. This one is a bit of a departure for me in that this includes significant elements of medical BDSM along with more overt DD than I’ve included in past books. Fans of Maintenance Night should be happy with this one:) [Read more…]

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Filed Under: Saturday Spankings Tagged With: anal play, Anal punishment, BDSM erotic romance, BDSM fiction excerpt, corporal punishment, domestic discipline, erotic romance, excerpt, forced exhibitionism, kink acceptance, medical BDSM, Saturday Spankings Blog Hop, spanking, strict doctor Doms

Spanking Roundtable Discussion — How have your spanking stories changed?

August 27, 2014 By Trent Evans

new_table

 

 

This month’s Spanking Roundtable Discussion is hosted by Cara Bristol, who was inspired by a comment by Natasha Knight, who said when she’d first begun writing spanking stories, they were erotic rather than disciplinary. Cara posed the following intriguing question to this month’s Roundtable:

How have your spanking stories evolved since you began writing?

This month’s Spanking Roundtable Discussion is hosted by Cara Bristol, who was inspired by a comment by Natasha Knight, who said she’d when she first began writing spanking stories, they were erotic rather than disciplinary.

How have your spanking stories evolved since you began writing?

1. Do you do anything differently now than when you first began writing?

The short answer to this is that I do everything differently from what I used to do as a novice. [Read more…]

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Filed Under: Spanking Romance Roundtable Discussion, Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: erotic romance in kink, evolution of a kink writer, kink acceptance, kink inclusivity, kink shaming, psychological aspects of spanking, psychology of corporal punishment, punishments, spanking romance reviews, spanking roundtable

Spanking A to Z — C is for Courage

June 4, 2014 By Trent Evans

 

A2Z-Logo-C1

 

C is for Courage

I know, some of you are already wondering “How the eff is Trent going to make this spanking or BDSM related?” as I’d promised in my opening post of the challenge. Stick with me here, and decide for yourself if I’ve managed it.

Why did I pick Courage? Because when it comes to achieving your goals, to realizing your dreams, to living the life you’ve always wanted, it takes courage, and there’s no getting around it. Without courage, there is no change. Without change, there’s no growth.

(Half of you are already rolling your eyes, mumbling “Get to the fucking point, Deepak”.)

What do I mean by this?
[Read more…]

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Filed Under: Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge Tagged With: Having Courage, kink acceptance, Spanking A to Z Blog Hop, The Truth

30 Days of Kink — Day 19

July 20, 2013 By Trent Evans

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

In many ways, this is one of those chicken or the egg/which came first questions. Have I embraced kink because my life has improved (e.g. I’m more comfortable with myself), or has kink demonstrably improved how I view and live my life? I don’t suppose it really matters either way when you get right down to it, as the answer is an unqualified ‘yes’.

First and foremost, and most surprisingly, it’s helped me just relax about being who I am, about being different than the “norm”. So you’re a dude who likes to spank women, who likes to run the show in the bedroom. Big effing deal. There are hundreds of thousands, maybe millions like you in this country alone. Welcome to a very large club! So, you like to write erotica and erotic romance soaked in BDSM. Big whoop — there are hundreds, thousands more who do the same thing. I think realizing that you are not alone, that you aren’t a simple aberration of the human condition really helps. I suppose the Intertubez are an integral part of that as well:)

In a larger sense though, discovering this entire world outside of your little tiny, insular existence is equal parts exhilarating, and humbling. Not only are you not alone, but you aren’t even that uncommon in the larger world of kink. To some that might be disturbing as it might lessen the sense of uniqueness that they may pride themselves on. Hard to tell, but for me, it was a huge relief:)

Secondly, kink has certainly helped me understand people better, even vanilla people. I’m going to take a wild guess here, and state that, by and large, kinky people are somewhat more open about sex and sexuality than most people. I understand that this is a gross generalization, but I think it’s probably fairly accurate. In my case, it’s definitely opened my eyes to the motivations of those around me, allowed me to perceive some of the subtler interpersonal interactions and cues that many of us are subconsciously aware of, but don’t necessarily consciously perceive. What I mean by this, specifically, is how driven many (if not most) people are by their base animal instincts. Modern human culture and social mores have necessarily put a brake on these urges, redirected them, channeled them into (sometimes) more constructive endeavors, but those drives, those urges, remain, as viscerally vital to all of us as fear or hunger are. This probably sounds like a bunch of foofy shit to most of you, but hopefully a few of you get what I’m trying to say here;)

Lastly, kink has unexpectedly allowed me to understand myself. It’s been a way to help me sort out who the fuck I am. I’m not particularly deep or complex, but oddly enough, those parts of me that were forever an inscrutable mystery to me have started to make a helluva lot more sense since I’ve been able to admit, to be at peace with who I am. Once I could make sense of the tangled mess that was me, it not only helped me understand others, it helped me empathize with others. My friend, and blogging partner over at Romancing The Kink, the talented Natasha Knight, has a famous quote at the end of her e-mails that I’ve always liked, and one it’s something that I think perfectly crystallizes what many of us who are kinky go through inside our own heads:

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Jesus, this all sounds like self-indulgent navel-gazing from me, doesn’t it? I’m going to do all of you a big favor and STFU for now:)

Until Day 20.

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, BDSM psychology, kink acceptance, Natasha Knight, random thoughts, Romancing The Kink, thoughts on kink, Trent Evans

30 Days of Kink – Day 17

December 1, 2012 By Trent Evans

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

There is one word that makes me see red when it’s used to describe kink: deviance.

This word is a smear, a lazy (and stupid) libel of people who are kinky (or simply dabble in BDSM play). Modern psychology doesn’t help matters when it labels “sadomasochism” as a mental disorder in the DSM—IV. To those who smugly highlight that fact, I would respond by informing them that the DSM used to label homosexuality as a mental disorder too.

Kinky people are not deviants any more than people who like blondes or anal sex are deviants. Human beings are infinitely diverse, because every person is literally unique, with their own singular spin to everything, including their sexuality. Have you ever wondered if two different people perceive the color red exactly the same way? They don’t. Is it close, very close? Yes, of course. But the point here is that sexuality, something orders of magnitude more complicated than the perception of a single spectrum of visible light, is unique to every person. A group of us happen to be labeled as “kinky”, because we are a distinct minority in raw numbers as opposed to those of a “vanilla” sexuality. Does that make us any more ‘deviant’ than those people who enjoy anal sex (another distinct group of us that can be classified and/or labeled)? How many ghettos do we want to conjure up for sexual variance in the human animal? It quickly gets into the realm of the absurd.

Kink is a variation. Yes, there are some who practice kink who are mentally unstable, even dangerous, but the fact is that any group of people, including those of vanilla persuasion, will have a certain percentage of dingbats. There is zero proof, none, that kinky people have a higher incidence of mental illness than the larger vanilla community as a whole. Oh wait! :::headslap::: There is 100% mental illness in the kinky population, right? The DSM says it’s so, therefore it must be true, yes? <end rant>

Kinky people are just like everyone else in all other areas of their lives. We are NO different. If you meet one of us, keep an open mind, and give us a chance:) We aren’t running wild through the streets swinging whips and slapping collars on any hapless female who crosses our paths. We aren’t child molesters, nor rapists, nor criminals. We are just people; a few of us are bad, but most of us are good …  just like any other group of people.

Until Day 18.

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, BDSM psychology, deviance, distinct group, distinct minority, dsm iv, health, kink, kink acceptance, kink shaming, libel, love, maturing, mental-health, modern psychology, prejudice, psychology, science, sex positive, sexual development, sexual empowerment, sexual variations, shame, society, spectrum of visible light

30 Days of Kink – Day 16

October 29, 2012 By Trent Evans

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Oh boy, this is going to be hard. No guts, no glory …

The answer to this (like many aspects of a person’s personality, I suppose) has significantly changed over time. As a young, budding perv the overwhelming feeling I dealt with day in and day out was shame.

I just knew I was different. To a teenager, different = damaged = freak = worthless. When I was young and, really up until a few years ago (I’m in my mid thirties now, if anyone wonders), I spent most of my time just burying who I was. Burying it deep. Is that the kink version of  “in the closet”? I suppose it could be somewhat analogous to that. I think it’s simpler though — it was a complete and utter denial of a vital aspect of my personality, and what made me uniquely me.

For those of us who are kinky, just admitting what we are/like/want is difficult enough; I suspect there are many of us who never even quite get to that point. For me, it was worse … because I was (am) a sadist.

Note to those of you who may be freaking the fuck out at that admission (hopefully there aren’t any, but just in case), please read through my earlier entries on this blog in the 30 Days of Kink. Those entries should clarify for you what I mean by “sadist”. Hint: it definitely doesn’t mean I’m a serial killer. Mmkay).

Believe me when I tell you, it was a long, harrowing road to get from here to there. How would you like it as a young kid to wonder:

– If you were irretrievably broken?

– If somehow people might be frightened of you?

– If you were simply nature’s aberration?

– Why modern psychology’s idiotic definitions (don’t get me fucking started on that subject, dear Lord) essentially labeled you as someone that yes, was broken, was a simple biological aberration?

Yeah, heavy, heavy shit. When you’re young, and dumb, and have zero perspective, everything seems Earth-shattering, immediate, profound. Your problems seem so unique, as if nobody on Earth has ever had to deal with what you’re struggling with.

Then you grow up and realize you are but a tiny, tiny speck of nothing in an unimaginably immense universe of everything — and all of this, and I do mean all of this, has happened before. Over and over and over again.

For some people, that’s a terrifying realization, but for me it was freeing. My problems weren’t insurmountable. Hell, my “problems”, weren’t even problems — they were just me.

So, there’s the self-doubt out of the way. Now comes the isolation. Yes, in this interconnected world isolation (at least in the modern west) should slowly become less of an issue. We hope. For those of us old enough to remember life before the connectedness of the Intertubes though, isolation was a huge concern. There just are only so many pervs to go around. Depending on the research (and the researchers’ particular definitions) I’ve seen online, the percentage of people who practice some form of BDSM are anywhere from 1-25% of the general population. Now, this may be self-serving, or simply wishful thinking on my part, but I suspect the actual number is closer to the upper end of that range.

Somebody bought those metric shit-tons of bodice rippers in the 70s-80s.

Somebody bought all those copies of 50 (yes, I know, I know — the damaged hero trope was what really roped in — heh — the 50 readers. I still ain’t buyin’ that rationalization).

Somebody watches (and pays for) all that internet BDSM porn.

Okay, I’ll get to my point. Though maybe 15-20% (my estimate) are pervs of some stripe, that still leaves us as islands in a sea of vanilla. Worse, the BDSM umbrella is so broad that the spectrum underneath it from A to Z  is incredibly diverse. How many of that 15-20% are like me with a penchant for both pain/impact play AND total power exchange? 1% of that 15-20%? Maybe not even that — but you see what I’m getting at here.

Isolation is still a serious hindrance to pervs the world over. The internet is a lifesaver for us, as even if we can’t connect physically, we can communicate with like-minded souls.

The last one I’ll mention is perhaps the most vexing (and sometimes painful) one of all. The feeling of  “otherness” in relation to your fellow man. The society we live in is oriented around the vanilla, and for good reason — vanilla is what most of us are, and it works, generally. But pervs always feel as if we are on the outside looking in, both on a societal level and a personal one.

How many of us can speak freely about who we are at the workplace? At home? Or how about in the unassailable redoubt of our own minds? Vanilla people by definition won’t understand, simply because it’s beyond their human experience. Okay, that’s not fair — some do. But to most it’s a baffling mystery at best, disgusting perversion at worst. I’m not worried about those people. What I think pervs struggle the most with is having to keep that part of them from those that are closest to them. It’s akin to walking around with a suit of armor or a mask on your entire life — one you take with you to work, to that Thanksgiving dinner with your family, to your fucking doctor’s office. It never, ever comes off, and it gets to a point that you forget how to take it off. How to be that fully formed person you are. Perhaps that shielding of oneself becomes a permanent part of you.

It did with me. I’m trying to remedy that, but it’s a struggle — and I suspect it always will be. Being able to talk to you helps. It helps a lot. Even if only one person ever reads this, and gains a modicum of perspective, a glimmer of hope, a sense that they can change and start being who they really are … well then all this will have been worth it. Until Day 17.

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, BDSM psychology, confession, growing up, isolation, kink, kink acceptance, kink shaming, literature, maturing, personal pain, science, sex positive, sexual development, sexual empowerment, shame, society

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