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Saturday Spankings — 09/2713

September 27, 2013 By Trent Evans

saturday-spankings

This week I wanted to continue with the upcoming full length D/s novel The Change.

In this scene, Kirsten is having lunch with her best friend, Joely, and the conversation turns to what might happen with her marriage — and her sex life — now that she’s pregnant. What follows is a little portion of their conversation (my apologies in advance for having to go a little over the 8 sentence limit…)

* * *

Kirsten frowned. She hoped, prayed Kiehl wouldn’t lose interest once she started showing. She knew she’d need him to show that he still desired her, still valued her. She knew it was stupid, going against all the feminist ideals drilled into her from an early age. But there was something inside her that needed it. If she was going to carry a man’s baby, she needed to know more than ever that her man loved her, still lusted after her.

Still, she wondered if a part of her might be afraid sex would endanger the baby. Especially with the recently added dimension to their relationship. They’d have to tackle that issue when they came to it.

Her phone buzzed in her purse, and she pulled it out. It was Kiehl.
<As soon as you set foot in this house, I’m going to fuck you. Just a warning.>

Her shaking hands fumbled her phone, and it bounced off her lap and down to the floor.

“Dammit,” she said, looking under the table.

God, please don’t let Joely see that.

“Did it fall over here?” Joely leaned to the side, scanning the floor.

“No — no, that’s OK. I’ve got it.”

Thankfully, she was able to retrieve the phone and slip it back into her purse.

Their food showed up and they both ate in silence for a few minutes. She thought of what Kiehl might be doing at that very moment, what he was thinking about. If he knew what she was thinking about, he’d probably track her down at the restaurant and drag her home like a caveman.

That would be great as long as there was hair pulling and spanking.

She giggled putting her hand to her mouth.

“What?” Joely said through a mouthful of food.

“Oh, sorry. Just thinking about something Kiehl said.”

Joely swallowed, and took a sip of her wine. “Like what?

“He just — he’s looking forward to seeing me.”

“Ahh, someone’s getting laid this afternoon.” Joely winked at her.

Kirsten could feel her cheeks warming.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Joely said, pointing her fork at her. “I’m happy for you guys, really.”

“Thanks, Jo.”

“Let me ask you something though.” Joely pointed down at the book she had lent to Kirsten. “If that smut didn’t really do it for you, what does? How do you guys keep things hot?”

Kirsten felt her blush deepen. “I don’t know, Joely. Maybe this isn’t the right place–”

“Oh stop, Kirsten. Nobody’s going to hear. Just talk softly. I’ve got good ears.” Joely wiggled her eyebrows.

Kirsten took a drink from her water, licking her lips. “OK, so we have this — thing. It wasn’t anything we planned, we just kind of fell into it. But it’s been growing, getting more serious.”

“Oh this sounds good.”

“Well, we call it ‘The Game’. I know it sounds dumb.”

“What is it? New position every day? Do it in public? What?”

Kirsten cleared her throat, her voice lowering. “So, I stumbled onto this website one day…”

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this week’s snippet. PLEASE visit all the other great entries in this week’s hop by clicking on the links below. Until next week!

Trent

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Filed Under: Saturday Spankings Tagged With: BDSM, D/s, erotic pregnancy, erotica excerpt, spanking fiction, The Change, Trent Evans

Saturday Spankings — 09/20/13

September 20, 2013 By Trent Evans

saturday-spankings

This week’s post continues with The Change, a novel about a married couple’s exploration of D/s and the complications — and new erotic possibilities — that result when the wife finds herself unexpectedly pregnant. In this particular scene the heroine Kirsten has called her husband Kiehl at his office to make a rather … interesting request.

Warning STRICT husband ahead…

* * * * * *

“Kirsten? You OK?”
“Yes — I mean, no. Are you alone?”
Kiehl sighed. “Dear, you called me at the office in the middle of the day.”
She gulped. Anytime she heard that deceptive calmness sneak into his voice, and the use of words such as ‘dear’, it meant she was moving into potentially dangerous waters.
“Maybe I can just call back when you can get away then– ”
“Kirsten, what is it?”
“Is anyone around you? Can they hear?”
She could make out voices in the background on Kiehl’s end. They sounded close.
“You should have thought about that before calling me, dear. Spill it.”
She could feel the flush creeping up her neck, but there was nothing for it but to get it over with. “I was thinking. Do you think we could. .. stop them?”
“Them? What are you talking about?”
“Kiehl,” she breathed. “You know…”
“Oh,” he said, chuckling. “Let me think about it. For now, let’s keep going.”
So nonchalant!
It was as if he were considering something as simple as whether or not to continue a gym membership or the Book Of The Month club.
“Kiehl. It’s been a year.”
“Already? Damn, it’s gone by so fast. I’m just getting used to it.”
She sighed. “Please, Keihl. They hurt.”
He chuckled again. “We all have to sacrifice for love, my dear.”
Yeah, right. She had to sacrifice. He got to enjoy the benefits.
“Besides”, he said. “It’s been great. I love them.”
To be fair it wasn’t all sacrifice on her part; he’d been an animal since they’d agreed to keep them going. Well, he’d agreed, really. She just did as she was told.

* * * * * *

I hope you liked it:) PLEASE click on the link below and visit all of the other participants in this week’s hop. Until next week!

Trent

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Filed Under: Saturday Spankings Tagged With: D/s marriage, domestic discipline, Saturday Spankings, sore boobs, spanking, strict husbands, The Change, Trent Evans erotica

Round Table Discussion: Submission

September 19, 2013 By Trent Evans

roundtable_first_week_2-2

 

 

First of all, I want to thank the lovely ladies over at Spanking Romance Reviews for letting a dude get a seat at the table for this one. I hope I don’t make you regret it:)

This week’s topic is Submission and what it means to me.

First, it’s best to define for myself what submission means. I’ve never actually thought about what this means to me, so this will be a learning experience for me too!

Submission, at its core, is the voluntary relinquishing of control over one’s body, mind or spirit — or all of the above. At first blush I suppose that looks rather … scary. But when you think about it some more it ceases to be scary and instead becomes something very powerful, even beautiful. The reason for this is because it’s voluntary — it’s consensual. It’s something done to enhance the sexual pleasure of both the dominant and the submissive.

I — obviously — come at this subject from a Dominant male’s perspective so in some ways I’m a little like the kid pressing his nose up against the window, fogging up the glass, trying to get a glimpse inside the room where all the cool kids hang out. But, since dominance and submission are two sides of the same coin, I think I can speak (relatively) intelligently on the subject;) I hope so anyway.

D/s is essentially a dynamic of power and the unequal exchange thereof, and to me submission is the cornerstone of the endeavor. The submission itself is that exchange of the submissive’s power over self, given to the Dominant to do with what he wills. Just that aspect of it alone is mind-blowing — having that very real, yet equally symbolic, control over another human being. Of course, like so much in life there is a duality to this: the very same exhilaration from the Dominant’s perspective can of course be a dangerous thing, in the hands of an irresponsible, immoral, or just plain stupid Dominant.  So, in a sense, this awareness of the danger, of how easily that power can be abused, is part of the excitement of the D/s dynamic.

The ability of a woman to submit is a fundamentally brave act. To be blunt — I don’t know how the hell you subs do it! I’m just really glad that you do:) This is one of the many reasons why I admire submissives. They are courageous. To voluntarily make yourself subject to another is just … it’s stunning to me. I know it’s a cliche to say this, but that submission is a gift. It’s a statement saying: “I trust you not to abuse this power I’ve given you. I adore you, I care for you, I love you enough, to give you this, to make myself vulnerable to you.”

How different is this, really — when you strip everything away — from what a vanilla relationship is? At some point someone has to make themselves vulnerable, to open themselves to potentially being hurt, wronged, even betrayed. Yet, the urge to connect, to be intimate, gives us the courage to take that leap — because the rewards of intimacy can be so sweet, so profound. It’s worth the risk.

One of the things that appeals most to me about submission is the inherent vulnerability in it. I think it’s almost a proxy for the vulnerability often seen in femininity, that same vulnerability that speaks to a good man. The Dominant man feeds off that vulnerability; it fuels both his sexual excitement AND his urge to protect her. In the honest Dom (and in my case, a Dom with a sadistic streak) that vulnerability can fuel his need to exercise, to emphasize, his power over his submissive. Exerting your power over her is itself exciting, in its own way as exciting as the sexual acts themselves, because it involves that most important of sexual organs — the brain. Broken down even further, it’s almost as if the vulnerability of the submissive fires that primal, animalistic urge that exists deep down in the inherited DNA of humans, back to that duality of men, who eternally struggle with the urges both to conquer and protect.

I’ll circle back now, before I blather on any further. I can see everyone’s eyes are glazed over:/

Submission is trust. Trust is the foundation of the D/s dynamic and relationship. Just as pleasure cannot exist without pain, Dominance cannot be exercised (or enjoyed) without submission. Just as women make the world go round, submissives provide the essential, indispensable ingredient which makes D/s possible. Without it the world would be a gray, lonely place for men like me;)

Thank you for reading, and I hope you take the time to read the other posts in this week’s round table discussion. You can read the other posts here: http://spankingromance.com/?p=644

Until next time,

Trent

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Filed Under: Spanking Romance Roundtable Discussion, Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: D/s, Dom's perspective, Dominance and submission, duality of D/s, submssion, thoughts on kink, Trent Evans, Trent's blathering, women make the world go round

Saturday Spankings

September 13, 2013 By Trent Evans

saturday-spankings

This week I’ve posted another short passage from the upcoming full length D/s novel The Change. We peek in on Kirsten and Kiehl, a little glimpse into a scene in a serious D/s marriage …

Warning —  a touch of cruelty ahead…

* * *

“That’s enough dear,” he said, patting her hip. “You don’t want to upset my aim do you?”

She wanted nothing else but to do just that, but she knew better. “Yes Kie—Sir. I’m sorry.”

Her breasts throbbed insistently underneath her, their heavy curves pressed firmly into the bed. He had considerately laid a thick terry cloth bath towel on the mattress before cuffing her wrists behind her back and ordering her over for her visit with the cane.

Kirsten wanted to believe the gesture was for her comfort, but she suspected it was merely to keep her from staining the expensive sheets.

Her swollen breasts were the reason why the cane was currently slicing into her vulnerable cheeks in the first place.

It had all started when she decided to call him at the office…

* * *

Hope you enjoyed:) Please visit the other authors in this week’s hop!

Best,

Trent

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Filed Under: Saturday Spankings Tagged With: Caning, D/s, D/s marriage, DD, lactation, pregnancy, Saturday Spankings, spanking, spanking scene, swollen breasts, The Change, Trent Evans

Saturday Spankings

September 6, 2013 By Trent Evans

saturday-spankings

I asked my friend and fellow RTK poster Natasha Knight if there was room for one more post on the weekly Saturday Spankings Bloghop. Fortunately, she very kindly allowed me in despite the late hour:)

The snippet is from a work in progress — about 75% complete — with the working title of The Change (I’m probably going to change it before publication, but it works for now). This is a return to spanking/DD oriented erotica for me, and it follows the story of a couple just beginning to explore spanking and D/s — and discovering that their desires run much deeper than either of them suspected.

As so often happens in real life, things get much more complicated when the heroine Kirsten becomes pregnant! Both Kirsten, and her husband Kiehl, wonder if they’ll have to postpone their exploration of their desires since a baby is on the way. Soon though it becomes clear that, rather than putting the brakes on the exploration of their desires, her pregnancy unexpectedly adds more fuel to the fire of their lust — and their love.

Snippet:

THWICK!
God, he wasn’t warming up this time! Not that she was surprised. Gentle and merciful were not qualities she’d usually ascribe to her beloved husband. But this is what they’d both agreed she needed.
“I’m waiting, Kirsten.” His voice was a soft rumble behind her.
“One, sir,” she said, gasping as the stroke bloomed fire across her bottom.
“Good girl.” He tapped the cane lower, directly across the tender junction of her thighs and buttocks. She hated the cane there, which was precisely why he liked it there. “Now, more quickly this time, or we’ll need to repeat the stroke.”
So reasonable, so matter of fact.
Ruthless.

The Change, a full-length novel (approx 70K words) of pleasure, pain — and pregnancy,  is scheduled for release in November 2013 at all major e-book retailers. I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into Kirsten and Kiehl’s bedroom.

Please make sure to visit all the other participants in this week’s hop. My LORD, there are some hot scenes this week!

Best,

Trent

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Filed Under: Saturday Spankings Tagged With: Caning, corporal punishment, D/s, domestic discipline, erotic pregnancy, Saturday Spankings, spanked wife, spanking fiction, spanking scene, The Change, Trent Evans

30 Days of Kink — Day 22

August 28, 2013 By Trent Evans

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

This is going to be a rather short blog post (I heard that relieved applause back there). I don’t think there really is much of a difference in keeping a BDSM vs. vanilla relationship healthy. It’s a relationship, period, and as such it takes communication, compatibility, communication, honesty, and communication:)

To me the only real area that might be markedly different vis-a-vis vanilla vs. kinky is in the area of sexual compatibility. Many kinky people try to maintain a vanilla relationship and find that it’s simply not something that will work.

I am one of those people.

I’ve tried vanilla … and I’m 99% sure I’ll never do it again. For many of us, trying to maintain a vanilla relationship is like living your life holding a part of yourself back, hiding that important, even vital, aspect of your sexuality as if it’s something that’s … optional. With me it’s not optional, at least not anymore! I suppose that realization often comes with time, and life experience, and most of all, perspective.

The bottom line is that it’s being true to who I really am for the first time in my life. Many people live their entire lives without being able to be comfortable with who they are. I managed to do it though, and I highly recommend it:)

Until Day 23.

Trent

 

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, bdsm relationship, BDSM relationships, being at peace, communication, communication compatibility, mysteries of vanilla sexuality, sexual compatibility, time and life, Trent Evans, vanilla relationship

30 Days of Kink — Day 21

August 24, 2013 By Trent Evans

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Picking just one book here is damn near impossible. There are way too many stellar BDSM books, both fiction and non-fiction. Since I happen to be a smut slinger (and to keep this blog post of a manageable size), I’ll limit this to my favorite BDSM fiction book, and include a list of ten BDSM books I think any kinky person should read.

Favorite BDSM book:

Owned and Owner by Anneke Jacob

I have to admit that I’m in awe of Anneke Jacob and her writing chops, and I think her first published novel is still her best. A better book on total power exchange in a consensual non-consent context you will never find (though Jacob’s second novel As She’s Told comes very, very close). This is a truly brave,  even visionary book that’s chock full of great writing, indelible images, and real, raw emotions. I’ve read it several times, and each time I find something new. This is a remarkable book, by a supremely talented writer.

Oh yeah, and it’s nuclear hot, too.

Ten Works of BDSM fiction Every Kinky Person Should Read:

Ice Queen/Mirror of My Soul — Joey W. Hill

A harrowing, moving two-part epic of forgiveness, acceptance, and love. Perhaps the best exploration of a female switch protagonist I’ve ever read, and the books are full of very hot D/s scenes. The emotional build-up of these stories is second to none.

The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy — A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)

A sprawling, beautifully written exploration of the darker side of desire and love. You name the flavor of BDSM, and you’re probably going to find it here. Ms. Rice doesn’t once flinch in her depiction of this fantasy land of pain and pleasure. With the exception of The Story of O, no work has been more influential on modern BDSM erotica.

Story of O: A Novel — Pauline Réage

How many of us somehow got our hands on a copy of this, and read it surreptitiously, so rapt were we as we turned its pages, that we sometimes forgot to breathe? So much evocative imagery is packed into such spare prose, as the book takes the reader on a very dark journey indeed. A truly unique example of BDSM erotica, I regard this story as the seminal work in modern erotic fiction.

The Reluctant Dom — Tymber Dalton

The single most moving (and wrenching) book I’ve ever read. I’ve read it twice and both times it tore me apart. That said, it’s soo worth it. This story is all about love — oh dear God, such LOVE —  but it’s packed with hot BDSM too. Anyone who reads this and isn’t reduced to tears may need to put out an APB for their missing soul. This is simply a stunning book, and it’s nothing short of a towering achievement for Ms. Dalton.

The Territory Within — P.N. Dedeaux

A fascinating and twisted tale of a very special country with its own brand of institutionalized male dominance. “A Dom’s Dream” could be another title for this one, and it is at times harsh, and at others wickedly sly. Some of the BDSM scenes in this book are some of the hottest I’ve ever read. Serious corporal punishment, lots of pain, and rigorously enforced (sometimes of the dubious consent variety) female submission is pervasive in this story. This is definitely NOT a romance, but the tale is ultimately a happy one — once the reader is wrung out from the journey, that is.

As She’s Told — Anneke Jacob

If anything, this is even more of a risk for Ms, Jacob, since this story takes place in a contemporary setting rather than the sci-fi setting of her previous Owned and Owner. Another epic masterpiece from Anneke Jacob that explores just what might be possible in a modern TPE relationship if both parties want it bad enough.As thought-provoking as it is hot. And it is very, very hot.

Hall of Infamy (Pleasure and Pain) — Amanita Virosa

Perhaps one of the best corporal punishment oriented books I’ve ever read, this one has plenty of other kinks in it too. I’ve long suspected this author is a writer in another genre, because they are much too adept with description here, the characterization too deft for someone with only a handful of published works to their name. The character of Lady Alicia especially in this book is equal parts malevolent and mesmerizing.

Natural Law — Joey W. Hill

One of Ms. Hill’s best, and a quite accessible male sub book — even for those who don’t normally read male sub books (read: people like me). The chemistry between Violet and Mac is positively electric, and the BDSM is plentiful and hot. Most of all, this is just a superb example of modern erotic romance.

Citadel Of Servitude — Aran Ashe

Like the Sleeping Beauty trilogy, Ashe’s Chronicles of Tormunil depicts a lush, yet often harsh, BDSM fantasy world. However, the Tormunil series ups the ante in the sheer breadth of the fetishes it explores. Aran Ashe has an unparalleled imagination, and it is given free rein in this series. There are five books in the Chronicles of Tormunil, all of which are good, but this one (Book 2) is the best of the lot.

Eliska — Von Mechtingen

A very interesting storytelling device is used here (a sort of one-way epistolary structure) and the setting — a backwater province in central Europe during the height of the power of the Holy Roman Empire — is nearly unique in BDSM erotica. The way the author writes this tale, you feel the oppressiveness, even hopelessness, of the setting. Somehow this gloom adds to the eroticism, and the reader is completely immersed in this dark, cruel world of hundreds of years ago. Lots of corporal punishment, cruel bondage, and fuckings (of both the consensual and not-so-consensual varieties) galore.

Kushiel’s Dart (Kushiel’s Legacy) — Jacqueline Carey

Ms. Carey might very well be horrified to be included in this list, but her study of the heroine Phédre’s struggles with the profound consequences of her deep-seated masochism is stunning. This incredible, epic fantasy is something I think any submissive woman should read — even if she doesn’t like fantasy. It’s that good.

There are a whole bunch of others that could easily have made this list too, but I had to cut it off somewhere. Maybe I’ll do another list of BDSM books another time:)

Until Day 22.

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, Amanita Virosa, Anne Rice, Anneke Jacob, Aran Ashe, bdsm books, bdsm erotica, Jacqueline Carey, Joey W. Hill, kinky person, mirror of my soul, P.N. Dedeaux, Pauline Réage, raw emotions, to ten list of BDSM fiction works, Trent's favorites, Tymber Dalton, Von Mechtingen

30 Days of Kink — Day 20

August 22, 2013 By Trent Evans

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

I’d like to talk about two different topics here — one I don’t understand, and one I’m curious about.

“Stop doing kink that way! You’re going to ruin everything!”

I’m probably going to step on some toes here, but one of the things I don’t understand with regard to kink is why a significant cohort of kink practitioners/proponents feel a need to lecture or instruct others on what the “proper” form of kink expression is.  Note that I’m not referring to people who talk about safety — it should go without saying that advocating safety is a good thing.

No, what I’m getting at is this idea that’s put forth that certain types of kink are beyond the pale, or that if anyone decides to engage in activity outside the protective confines of SSC or RACK then they have somehow gone off the reservation. Often it’s quite subtle, but I’m seeing it more and more online — and it baffles me. One of the best, most freeing aspects of kink is the basically subversive nature of it; in many ways, kink is a rebellion against the confines of vanilla sexuality or mores. I’m guessing that that very nature of kink is the source of at least some of its appeal.

There is an ongoing movement afoot to get kink entirely removed as a psychological disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (commonly referred to as the DSM). The most recent iteration, DSM-V, while not removing paraphilias as a disorder per se, has demoted the status of paraphilias from a full-blown disorder by applying a nebulous if/then equivocation to potential diagnosis: if the paraphilia causes distress then it is a disorder, otherwise, go about your perverted ways, you sickos!

I think this particular type of reevaluation is a good thing indeed, despite the gray areas that remain in APA treatment of kink. Those who’ve followed along with me know that I usually hesitate to deem the experiences of the LGBT community as analogous to those of the kink community (it’s difficult to deem anything as a clear analog to kink), but it is worth noting that the evolution of the treatment of the two respective communities by modern psychology seems to be following a somewhat similar trajectory. The bottom line, to me, is that things appear to be (slowly) moving in the right direction.

But what I’m seeing more and more often is this tendency to “normalize” (read: homogenize) kink in the popular culture. When I see instances of it, the tone often feels like a clumsy sort of kink sales roadshow; frequently it’s discussed in terms or ways that are “lighter” or interspersed with (or drowned in) nervous humor. Perhaps this is an effort to make the “lifestyle” less threatening to people out in the vanilla world? Or maybe it’s just that these kink normalizers simply want to help destigmatize kink? If so, their motives are laudable. However, an effort to destigmatize kink that results in a watering down of the things that make kink distinctive is ultimately (IMHO) self-defeating. Maybe I’m weird — okay, not much “maybe” about that — but I don’t want kink to be “normalized”. Life is full of enough guidelines, rules, and laws as it is, so the last thing I want is kink forced into some neat, tidy, sanitized box.

It’s possible (even likely) that I’m not seeing the “big picture” with this normalization of kink, but what I’ve seen thus far is … troubling. If there are any out there who’d like to explain to me why this brand of kink normalization is a great thing, I’d love to hear from you — either in the comments or privately via the contact form above. I’m genuinely baffled, so I’m open to being edumacated on this subject:)

Now, on to the “curious” topic.

I think it’s fairly clear where my own orientation within kink falls. No, Sheri, bat-shit crazy is not my orientation:) Where was I? Oh yes. Curious.

I am very curious about female switches. Always have been. I’m going to digress a little here, but I promise it will eventually steer back on topic. In fiction, I’m not particularly a fan of femdom where the Domme treats the male sub as a disgusting worm, with really heavy humiliation, and where she generally regards him with outright contempt. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with that particular kink though. It’s just not for me. YKINMKBTOK.

What does sometimes interest me, if it’s written well, is the depiction of “strong” male submissives in a more loving (though still strict) D/s dynamic with their Domme. Joey W Hill does this particularly well. I’m certainly not normally oriented toward the male sub mindset, but when depicted in that way, I can definitely see the motivation, feel how that dynamic might work for the couple. It’s something I have to be able to do with female subs when I write about them, so I think it’s valuable to be able to get into that headspace with a male sub too. This is where female switches come in.

They are comfortable in both roles, though in my (admittedly limited) interaction with real-life switches, I’ve noticed that they often seem to lean toward one side more than the other. What fascinates me about them is that they don’t see things in a binary way; they don’t feel either dominant or submissive, rather they seem to have a fluid sort of orientation that’s adaptable to the situation at hand. I actually admire them for being that comfortable with themselves that they aren’t threatened by embracing both halves of the D/s dynamic.

Even as I admire them, I’m curious as to how they actually do it. To be blunt, I would not feel comfortable in a male submissive role (I think I’d be constantly trying to take over and do shit my way), so it amazes me when other people can be both dominant and submissive, depending upon the needs or wants of the situation or relationship. I don’t know. I’m not 100% closed off to trying it — I’ll try just about anything once — but it’s definitely not natural for me:)

If there are any switches out there who’d like to chime in with how they’re able to do it, I’d definitely love to hear your take.

Until Day 21.

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, APA, baffled Trent, BDSM psychology, BDSM safety, D/s, destigmatizing kink, DSM-V, female submission, female switches, health, kink normalization, kink shaming, male submission, mental-health, paraphilias, trent's thoughts

30 Days of Kink — Day 19

July 20, 2013 By Trent Evans

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

In many ways, this is one of those chicken or the egg/which came first questions. Have I embraced kink because my life has improved (e.g. I’m more comfortable with myself), or has kink demonstrably improved how I view and live my life? I don’t suppose it really matters either way when you get right down to it, as the answer is an unqualified ‘yes’.

First and foremost, and most surprisingly, it’s helped me just relax about being who I am, about being different than the “norm”. So you’re a dude who likes to spank women, who likes to run the show in the bedroom. Big effing deal. There are hundreds of thousands, maybe millions like you in this country alone. Welcome to a very large club! So, you like to write erotica and erotic romance soaked in BDSM. Big whoop — there are hundreds, thousands more who do the same thing. I think realizing that you are not alone, that you aren’t a simple aberration of the human condition really helps. I suppose the Intertubez are an integral part of that as well:)

In a larger sense though, discovering this entire world outside of your little tiny, insular existence is equal parts exhilarating, and humbling. Not only are you not alone, but you aren’t even that uncommon in the larger world of kink. To some that might be disturbing as it might lessen the sense of uniqueness that they may pride themselves on. Hard to tell, but for me, it was a huge relief:)

Secondly, kink has certainly helped me understand people better, even vanilla people. I’m going to take a wild guess here, and state that, by and large, kinky people are somewhat more open about sex and sexuality than most people. I understand that this is a gross generalization, but I think it’s probably fairly accurate. In my case, it’s definitely opened my eyes to the motivations of those around me, allowed me to perceive some of the subtler interpersonal interactions and cues that many of us are subconsciously aware of, but don’t necessarily consciously perceive. What I mean by this, specifically, is how driven many (if not most) people are by their base animal instincts. Modern human culture and social mores have necessarily put a brake on these urges, redirected them, channeled them into (sometimes) more constructive endeavors, but those drives, those urges, remain, as viscerally vital to all of us as fear or hunger are. This probably sounds like a bunch of foofy shit to most of you, but hopefully a few of you get what I’m trying to say here;)

Lastly, kink has unexpectedly allowed me to understand myself. It’s been a way to help me sort out who the fuck I am. I’m not particularly deep or complex, but oddly enough, those parts of me that were forever an inscrutable mystery to me have started to make a helluva lot more sense since I’ve been able to admit, to be at peace with who I am. Once I could make sense of the tangled mess that was me, it not only helped me understand others, it helped me empathize with others. My friend, and blogging partner over at Romancing The Kink, the talented Natasha Knight, has a famous quote at the end of her e-mails that I’ve always liked, and one it’s something that I think perfectly crystallizes what many of us who are kinky go through inside our own heads:

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Jesus, this all sounds like self-indulgent navel-gazing from me, doesn’t it? I’m going to do all of you a big favor and STFU for now:)

Until Day 20.

Trent

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Filed Under: Trent's Thoughts Tagged With: 30 Days of Kink, BDSM psychology, kink acceptance, Natasha Knight, random thoughts, Romancing The Kink, thoughts on kink, Trent Evans

Author Interview: Sheri Savill

July 13, 2013 By Trent Evans

Recently, I got a chance to interview author Sheri Savill, one of my co-bloggers (along with Natasha Knight) over at Romancing The Kink. We talked about several subjects, including her personal take on kink, and the writing of her newest book, Bound for Disappointment: A Parody. I had a great time talking with her, and I hope you enjoy the interview!

Trent: Sheri, why don’t you introduce yourself.

Sheri Savill: Hi Trent, I’m Sheri. Nice to meet you.

Dude, thank you so much for having me on your blog! This feels a bit odd. I know you from Romancing the Kink, of course, but being over here, this close to the heat source that is Her Troika? Is it warm in here? Singe. Why, yes I have had a lot of espresso this morning, too. Intro? I’m Sheri Savill and I write smut. I have a couple books out (three now) and I personally like to read (and try to write) the darker types of BDSM erotica, but I’m not a “kink snob.” Well, maybe a little.

Trent: Bound For Disappointment, your newly released parody on BDSM fiction writing, had me literally cackling by page two! How did you come up with the idea to do a parody on the subject we all know and love?

 Sheri: Thank you, check’s in the mail. Let’s see. I remember I’d just finished up Marked for Submission and was thinking how nice it would be to rest of some laurels, but then I remembered I didn’t have any laurels. Brain was in a brown-out, utterly blank -– and I mean blank like a magnet had been dragged over it and erased everything in there except this one tiny sticky-note (“milk, bread, eggs”). No fucking clue what to try writing next. All the smut had left the building. A black day for smut.

Writing snark is something I’ve always done. So my two remaining brain cells had what we smut writers call a “brainstorming session”:

Sheri’s Brain Cell 1: “You hear something?”

Sheri’s Brain Cell 2: “Nope. Go back to sleep.”

Sheri’s Brain Cell 1: “K.”

Depressing. I was desperate. So I started toying with the idea of humor in BDSM. Right now, there are a shit-ton of those “50 Shades” parodies out there.  Not what I wanted to do at all. Then it hit me. Write what you “know.” So I came up with a goofy smut author trying to deal with the business of smut writing. It’s a very simple, silly book. You’ll notice that I cleverly left the ending open to sequels (MAKE IT STOP!) in case I need to snark more later. Which I bet I will. I have a lot of angst.

 

Trent: You write smoking hot (seriously, smoking) BDSM erotica, and the range you exhibit in being able to write both smut and brutally on-target satire amazes me. Do you have another humor writing alter-ego, or is this more of an experiment in comedy writing for you?

Sheri: Aw, shucks and stuff, thank you so much for that. But, really, I’m just a beginner here. I wrote only non-fiction for a long time, sold a few things when I tried. People would tell me my emails were funny. So, sometimes an idea would start with a friend in email, and then turn into this crazy thing that I’d adapt and post/publish. I blogged “vanilla” humor for ten years or so; had a dedicated little following of über-bored strangers who kept egging me on for more. Nice enough people, but obviously not very discerning when it comes to quality humor. Crack will do that to people.

 

Trent: Was DOM (or any of the other characters) based on someone you know in your real life?

Sheri: Now now, Sir Trentmeister, I don’t think we really want to go THERE, do we? Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental! I will say that these are general types I’ve observed over the years. And ask any female erotica author, there’s always that online “Dom” (DOM_LOL is the screen name I always see in my head), contacting you, trying to get you to let him cyber-spank you, isn’t there? Hello? I’m hunched over a keyboard, sitting in a wrinkled t-shirt and gym shorts with a bag of stale Doritos. There’s a snoring dog a few feet from me on a sofa. So, sure, I would love you to come over right now and spank me and then we can get in your private jet and see London from the air, Mistah Bond. But the stuff about the smut-writing business in general, the stresses of trying to handle hateful-hateful-hateful (Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!) reviews and keep the books coming … yeah, that’s all real of course. A Dom on a moped? I may have made that up, can’t remember.

 

Trent: I’m always fascinated in the personal stories of authors. I hope I won’t get too personal here (feel free to decline to answer) but I wondered if you’d be able to tell us when you first knew you were submissive/kinky?

Sheri:  I have no problem admitting that I was thinking “weird” thoughts as early as pre-puberty. I read gothic novels by Victoria Holt and Daphne du Maurier and loved that whole “young girl going to work for a mysterious Master in his dark mansion on the moors” thing. But when I read those, I would mentally drift and add things to the stories, in my head. For example, I remember thinking, “… and then Master Tormented-Soul grabs her very roughly, spinning her ‘round, forcing her up against a cold stone wall –- a dungeon? — and he enters her from behind and she tries to stop him — “oh we mustn’t!” — but she can’t stop him because he’s so strong and determined and mad with lust, so he’s holding her pinned and then his hands jerk her skirts up so he can ram into her, and meanwhile, her breasts are popping out of the top of her low-cut gown, smashing into the cold wall now as he rams into her, and her nipples are hard and scratching up and down against the stone as he pounds her, gives her what she craves, and she’s breathless as he’s biting her ear and her neck and saying all this depraved shit in a hoarse whisper, and he’s actually hurting her, but SHE LIKES IT …”

So, no, I really didn’t have any thoughts about being submissive or kinky. 😉

 

Trent: Are the events in your erotica books drawn from real life, fantasy, or both?

Sheri: Didn’t you already press me on this earlier re: Bound for Disappointment? And I deftly evaded your … probings, I believe. I misdirected. I serpentined. And yet here you are trying it again. OK. I’ll say this: some are real, I have been to a couple dungeons, and there are whips and chains in the house, and there have been for years and years. Have I been gangbanged? No. Would I try it under the right circumstances? Yes. I’m very much into the carpe diem thing. But I’m not crazy, and certainly not stupid, and if I get a single “wut r u waring let me [blank] you, you naughty slut” contact after being on your blog I’m forwarding all that shit to you and we have to post them publicly. Deal?

 

Trent: I love that you fearlessly attack some kinks that many others seem to be afraid to explore (verbal and physical humiliation, degradation, and objectification being ones that are foremost in my mind). Do you write about these because you want to help others see that it’s okay to be turned on by these things, or because they personally turn you on?

Sheri: Good question. I write that stuff because I like it, both in real life and in my smut-reading. I know for a fact that other women like the same things I like. Someone is buying a lot of very dark D/s themed erotica out there. Women. Lots of women.

 

Trent: Could you ever write erotica that didn’t actually turn you on? Have you ever, and if so, what was it?

Sheri: No way. I can’t imagine phoning it in. I did have an interesting experiment once, where I was trying to write a story idea that was given to me by someone else. And I couldn’t get into it at all. Didn’t happen. So I learned that apparently my smuttiness has to come from somewhere inside me, as lame as it might be. The darker things, it’s all stuff that I find hot, for whatever fucked up DSM-V reasons. Ha.

 

Trent: Do you have any hard limits in erotica that you will write (or have written)? What about limits in erotica that you’ve read? Have you ever had a book squick you so badly that you weren’t able to finish it (or even returned it)?

Sheri: I have what I call the “usual” limits, same as yours. I haven’t had to put anything down because of squickiness, but I’ve been warned off a couple things up front, and I have heeded those warnings because they came from someone I trust (you). That said, I have a couple specific areas I am interested in that I don’t see being done in M/F BDSM erotica. Not to be too mysterious, but I’m going to write it in a story very soon and see how many people I can squick. Blink blink.

 

Trent: I love how open you are about your kinks, how you clearly embrace sexual submissiveness, and enjoy the pleasure to be found in it. Have you ever struggled with your sexual needs or have you always been this sex positive about kink?

Sheri: I guess I’m fairly open. I’m not out in my daily life, like where you’ll see me pumping gas in a leather corset, fishnets, and a collar (Tara in BFD). Professional reasons, but also, I don’t want to be committed to an institution, heh. But I’m “out” in the sense that if, say, someone made a suggestive remark about kink to me, in real life, I would at least waggle my eyebrows up and down like a butthead to signal that I’m kink-friendly in general, and see where it went from there. You can sort of tell when someone is giving you the secret handshake by studying their reactions very closely. Me: “Oh look! Secretary is on cable tonight. Love James Spader in that one. Seen it thirty times already!” Some Person: “Ew! No way would I watch that creepy movie! I heard it’s about perverts!” Me: “Nice meeting you.”

 

Trent: Do your family and friends know you’re kinky? If not, do you think you’d ever “come out” to them about it?

Sheri: Close family, yes, but they know I’m weird in all ways. The whole fam is borderline Addamms-Family eccentric.

 

Trent: What is/are your favorite BDSM activity(s)?

Sheri: The verbal stuff, probably number one — I’m very aurally-oriented. And the mental, the mind fuck. The power exchange. Unnecessary roughness. Hair pulling, crops, canes, insertions, oh God, really? I like all of it. I do. How much time do you have?

Least favorite thing, you didn’t ask, but it’s the use of some of the lingo, in books and reality, that irk: “Scene” and “lifestyle” and all that. Pfft. “SSC! RACK!” I don’t want to be lectured in smut, because, well, it’s fucking smut, not a “how-to” manual. Fiction! Hello? Thank you!

Same with this goofy trend, which I hope will die a horrible violent death soon, of making a huge deal out of “safewords.” Never needed one. Frankly, if you’re “playing” (ugh, that word) with someone who doesn’t already know you well enough to tell when to slow the fuck down or stop, how to read you under all circumstances … well … I mean, RILLY?  ::: shaking head :::

 

Trent: Describe your ideal hero in erotica. How about your ideal heroine?

Sheri: I go for the alpha males, in various forms. Not too particular. And when I say “alpha” I also mean I’ll read dub-con, non-con, son-of-non-con, non-con-in-3D, etc. Bring it. Heroine … I don’t like whining. Usually the ones I relate more to are capable, intelligent, not all timidly submissive. Oh, and total whores of course.

 

Trent: What is your favorite BDSM book? You can give us a list if you can’t narrow it down.J

Sheri: The Joey W. Hill Boardroom series was the first batch of smut I devoured and just loved. And, of course, Anneke Jacob’s books. One particular favorite book, though, isn’t technically a BDSM book at all, but I see it listed a lot in the same “dark reads” area: Break Her by BG Harlen. BG is (presumably) a male author and the book is “controversial.” Oooh. I’m all tingly.

I have NO trouble reading some of the male erotica authors, BTW. Because I love men, my real-life friends are mostly men. Another male erotica author I really like – and have from the start — is this dude Trent Evans. Her Troika and What She’s Looking For are both major favorites. Troika is getting me interested in the “pony play” kink, which I didn’t understand but am starting to see the hawtness of now, oh hell yeah. And no, I’m not just saying this to be a polite blog guest.

 

Trent: Favorite book(s) of all time (any genre)?

Sheri: Oh shit. Way too many, 404 file not found, dude! I read mostly non-fiction. Weird huh? Politics/policy, web development, typography, design, geeky code books. Right now I’m reading a couple books about the porn industry and censorship.

 

Trent: I always love hearing what other authors have on deck. What do you have coming up for future Sheri Savill books?

Sheri: Right now I am writing a BDSM erotic book with … you! And excited about that. Also working on ideas for shorter stories that will be dark dark dark. I’m in a dark mode lately, I think reacting to the censorship we’re seeing. Makes me want to be darker. I’m obstinate that way. And there’s always the possibility of another collaboration with Renee Rose and Emily Tilton — that spanking humor post was a blast.

 

Trent: What’s one thing (or more than one thing) that you want readers to know?

Sheri: A serious answer, for once. As an independent author, I’m doing all this myself, and I’m trying very hard to do a good job. So when fans leave me gushing reviews and ask for more books, well, it just blows me away. You have NO idea. You don’t. Thank you!

 

Trent: What advice would you give to aspiring BDSM erotica or erotic romance writers?

Sheri: The idea of me, a mere n00b, giving … advice? Trent, you slay me. I’ll say … try to get a mentoring relationship if you can; try not to write to the “market;” ignore nasty reviews, and the just plain stupid reviews (“needed beter editting! One star,,,” [sic])  Be what you are, that authentic voice? Always wear clean underwear in case you’re in accident. Don’t be a fuckhead.

 

Trent: Thanks again for letting me pester you with these inane questions, Sheri:)

For those of who haven’t yet taken a look at Sheri’s newest, Bound For Disappointment: A Parody, I highly recommend you check it out. It is gut-bustingly funny. Please read on for links and an excerpt.

 

Buy links:

Amazon US

Amazon UK

B&N

 

Excerpt:

When Tara reached home she opened her laptop and checked her email. There was one marked URGENT, from her editor, Deke:

“Hey, Tara. Our distributors are tightening up some categories for smutty BDSM books. There have been complaints that your stuff is too … hardcore. So we have to be a little more careful. No biggie, just means changing a little wording in your new books, here and there, to adapt. No more references to “cock” “pussy” “fucking” “tits” “ass” “holes” “come” “coming” “wet” “hard” “breathing” “licking” “sucking” “fingers” “smacking” “bruising” “blowing” “moaning” “hot” “touching” “thrusting” “whipping” “caning” “spanking” “toys” and “sex.” I’ll send the full list later.”

“What in the name of FUCK-ALL?!” Tara said aloud, to her pet goldfish Skippy, who was doing a backstroke in his bowl on her desk. Actually he was Skippy 17. She numbered the Skippys now, because she traveled a lot and, well, you know. When she returned from trips it was just a matter of a quick flushing and then on to the next Skippy. Tara knew that people with pets were generally happier and better adjusted overall. Dealing with a string of senseless fish deaths made her better able to handle the stresses of everyday life with grace and aplomb.

“Are these fucking prude-ass distributors on meth!? How am I going to write smut without cocks and pussies and assholes and come? MY STUFF IS TOO HARDCORE?! This is smut, for God’s sake! Smut is supposed to be … SMUTTY!”

The rain pelted the windows. Thunder rolled, rattling the light fixture over her desk. Tara felt a furious bubbling froth of anger rising up from the pit of her stomach. She jumped up and headed to the backyard. She stopped at the shed and grabbed her perfectly-maintained gassed-up chainsaw. She pulled the cord. It started instantly and she charged over wet grass in her five-inch black patent heels in the darkness and heavy rain.

“I’ll show these motherfuckers! TOO HARDCORE?! MY STUFF IS TOO HARDCORE?!?! FUCKING ASSHOLES!” She thought again how having pets allowed her to channel her feelings in healthy ways.

# # #

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Filed Under: Guest Post Tagged With: advice to writers, author interview, BDSM parody, Bound For Disappointment, humor, new humor release, Sheri Savill, smut writing, writing

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